I shout, I swear, I get angry, I get scared
I fall, I break, I mess up, I make mistakes
But if you can't take me at my worst
You don't deserve me at my best
Do you know that song? I love it. I was blasting it in my room as I danced around getting ready for a neighboring schools Homecoming celebrations. Its one of those songs that makes me want to scream in anger, cry with pain, and shout in triumph. Is that just a Georgia thing, or do other people have songs in their lives like that? I used to go up to my barn on nights that were particularly hard for me and just belt it out. Whatever song. All genres. Sometimes id go up their and scream till my voice was gone, or I'd sit and cry till I was too tired. I never let my pain show at school. Yes, my grades were horrible, but my smile never faltered. See, I was scared of appearing weak. Instead of gallantly fighting for myself, I just let myself slip between cracks I tried desperately to keep others from falling through.
A slam poet came to my school the other day to present, and his poems were very raw. He used hip hop vibes, gangster rap , and words that will slice you open to get his point across: Vulnerability is strength.
Some of you may read that or hear it and think "how tho???" Its about mental fortitude, I think. Has someone ever said something really alarming to you about their lives? Like, they don't cringe when they talk about abusive relationships with substance or people alike. Its because they are not afraid of it any more. Have you thought of it that way? Because I really haven't. I just knew it was stronger to admit your weak then to hide it. They can share that, they can say "Look man, I did this, and it wasn't good, but look where I am now"
Perspective is so much. The other day, a UPS guy came into my school, looking tired and worn down. I asked him if it ever occurred to him that he could be delivering some little kids smile. I didn't really think anything of it. I saw a commercial about how UPS guys are the heroes of Christmas for always bringing the gifts. like they are the real Santa. My teacher told me the next day that I made that guys day, and that honestly made my day.
Sometimes I say things on my blog and I catch my breath because I've never been so open about it before, but I took its power. That issue, that pain, I use it to maybe give someone else hope. It might have been for bad, but I'm determined to use it for good.
The song continues:
Look, life is about making mistakes
It's also about trying to be great, right
Do not let failure scare you away
I know you fed up, you fall, get up...
Look at all the years
I've been waiting for a moment
Shed a lot of tears
Just to smile in the morning
I try to turn every little bit of pain, every moment of toil, i try to turn all of it into a growing and learning opportunity. I am an overcomer, and so are you.
I just feel a very big need to tell you this.
You are so important. You might be down right now. You might be hurting, but you are so much more than this. Than right now. You have so much ahead of you, so much behind you, so much INSIDE of you. Don't deprive the world of that. I can't be the only one splitting at the seams with passion. I wanna see yours.
I believe in you.
You are so strong. Brilliant. You make people smile, even if you aren't aware of it. I can't tell you how important, how relevant, how ENOUGH you are. Maybe you feel small right now. Maybe you feel hopeless, maybe you feel broken. Maybe you've hit rock bottom. I've been there! I've stood at the bottom of impossibility, and found my way to the top, and so can you. SO CAN YOU.
You are glorious
You are resilient
You are so strong
You gotta SHINE. You're here for a reason. Maybe you cant see it yet. Have you ever thought that you are the one person making all the difference in someones life? maybe all it is is a "wow you look cute today" or maybe you just smile at someone who feels invisible. maybe its something random you say that sparks something in someone else.
Here is to the UPS and FedEx guys who deliver packages that are waited for eagerly. Here is too the teacher that remembers that one of your students really likes Mint M&Ms. here is to the small things that make a huge impact, and the person who just made it doesn't even realize it. YOU are that person for someone. I assure you.
So here it is. here is to YOU. Wherever you are, whoever you are. whatever your going through. Thank you. Just reading my blog has made a difference in my life, and I appreciate you beyond belief.
