Hang On

When I was a senior in high school, my youth pastor brought me to this state wide Christian conference and at some point, I had mentioned that nobody could embarrass me. You have to know 18 year old Georgia to really understand this story, but basically he spent a week “trying” to embarrass  me and it ended with me shaking my tail to the squirrel song on a huge screen in front of like 500 people. 

I was not embarrassed. In fact, I thought it was hilarious. I also think though, he wasn’t really trying to embarrass me. That would have been mean and my youth pastor was actually a pretty fun guy. He shaved his head, his legs, and I do believe he even did some fancy designs in his beard for kids camp if we had the most campers… he was a guy who liked to bring joy to a group of awkward teens. 

Have you heard the song “Hang On” by NEEDTOBREATHE?

If not, look it up. It’s a fantastic song. To me, it sounds like the summer after you graduate. Just that, arms open, world-in-front-of-you freedom. Youth. It feels like being young again. 

Now some of you may be rolling your eyes at me. I’m 24. To you, I’m still young. I get that, I really do… other kids my age are just graduating college, but I’m not young anymore. I’m a wife. I’m a mommy. The word “potential “ looks so different for me now, even than it did when I was 20 (even though I was a wife then, too) 

This blogpost is a farewell. Not forever, but a for now. Hopefully someday I come back and blog about suburban homesteading in the fastest growing city in America, but today I speak to the kids, and I give one last nugget of advice. 

Hang on. Live in the moment. Soak it up. You’re going to want to look back on these days because they will be the sunshine on your face someday. Not that being an adult doesn’t have its own sparkle, but these days coming home from school to your mom’s fresh baked zucchini bread. Seeing the boy you have a crush on at the football game, driving downtown to get a milkshake with your friends…. All those things are moments that can’t be re-fabricated once you leave youth. They are special. Being worried about tests, the way the school smells… things you might hate now. Quicker than you think… it becomes nostalgia. 

Tonight, for the 205th night in a row, I will wake up at least three times to feed my sweet baby and rock her back to sleep. Tomorrow I might feel groggy. She’s sick so I might not get much sleep at all, but while I hold her, all I can think is “she will never be this small again. Why rush through it” 

Life will be full of chapters. Each one different and beautiful and full of joy. Each one special, each one inimitable. Why rush any of them? I wish I knew when I was 15 that someday, I’d smile on those moments. I’d see them as growth, I’d find their place on the Giant Map of Blessings the Lord laid out for my life. 

High school was hard for me. I honestly can’t remember any of it until I got transferred to Alt Ed, and then my brain is flooded with memories of cheer, prom, my brother and I jumping in the lake, full clothed after graduation. Grabbing a shake and fries at R&R… so relax, and let your brain remember wonderful things. If you spend too much time trying to rush and survive and escape… you’re going to miss where you are, and there are ALWAYS beautiful moments. 

So to wrap up this longer blog post, when I was 18, I didn’t mind making myself look silly. I lived in that moment, I have no idea what anybody else thought. I don’t even remember if anybody brought it up to me later. I just remember laughing. I hung on, and I’m so thankful. Today I’m hanging on. I’m in this moment, and I know when I’m telling my toddler bedtimes stories, I’ll be so thankful.