On December 28, or 29 (I actually can't remember which day), it will have been a full year since the day I got engaged. If I'm being honest, I wanted to get married this Fall. Little did I know that fall would come and pass, and I still wouldn't even have a date.
This is not what I had imagined.
I thought that I would have 8 or 9 months filled with celebration, and parties, and crazy wedding planning and cake tasting and trying on beautiful wedding gowns. Then, this magical wedding in the fall with all of our friends and family gathered around us to celebrate and have this huge celebration of two lives, and two families, joining.
Then covid hit.
SO here's the scoop on everything (because its been confusing)
Billy asked me to marry him, just before the new year, we parted ways on new year's day, 2020, (we were engaged a whopping 24 hours before being seperated) and did not see eachother until the first week of July. We called it our "wedding boot camp", because we did everything we could think of to get us ready for the wedding, that we assumed would be happening soon (although we didn't have a clue). It was really fun. We went shopping for items we wanted to register for, we looked at flowers, and colors (my idea haha) and thought about what area of Jacksonville we would want to live in.
When I got home from that trip, Billy and I had decided that we didn't care when he deployed, or even that he couldn't leave Florida (the military is on restriction of movement in Florida, due to the Corona), we just wanted to be married. A couple days after deciding this, we told our families, and found out that we actually couldn't make this happen, for a lot of different reasons, the most important being that our families couldn't all be there, and Billy and I agreed that that is what is most important.
However, we later found out that it was a blessing we had decided to not get married in the fall in Florida.
In September, we had about two weeks notice to plan a trip to see each other for the last time before he deployed. Imagine planning a destination wedding in two weeks. No. It just couldn't happen. So i got to spend 12 days with him before the military whisked him away, until May. The 12 days were the best ever, though. We pretty much lived on the beach. He got me a new ring (I'm allergic to an alloy in white gold), we we went on so may adventures, and made a dream sheet of all the adventures we can't wait to go on after we get married and move to Jacksonville, Fl together.
He deployed to Japan early November.
From December 2019, to late Spring 2021. I have gotten to see him 22 days.
As far as wedding planning looks now, we still have absolutely no idea. We don't know if his restriction of movement will be over when he gets back to America, we don't know if we will have a solid enough day to actually pick one and plan a wedding. We don't know if there will even be a wedding, or if we will end up, standing on a beach in front of our parents, saying our vows, last minute. There is so much uncertainty about this day. I didn't think I even wanted a wedding when Billy and I started dating, and now its breaking my heart to think that I might not be able to have one. I'm trying to remain optimistic and plan and dream, but its getting harder and harder, the more I realize that it would be a complete miracle if Billy could be home for our wedding. I know that even if we cant have a wedding, I will still get to marry him, I'll just be really bummed if its 3000 miles away from all the people we know and love.
It's been a rollercoaster of a year for everybody, for a lot of different reasons. I can't wait to marry my best friend. We have been engaged so much longer than I thought we would be, nothing has gone to plan, and the fact that he's in a different continent is really hitting me hard. So, if you see me at the coffee shop, don't be afraid to say hi and check in. I am ALWAYS happy to talk to people. Its pretty lonely, now that church can't congregate, and all the christmas activities have had to be mostly canceled, and we all have to stay apart and we can hardly hear the words said through masks.
So in short, I'm still engaged. Yes, there was buzz of a wedding this fall, but that got canceled before it really got planned. I still work at Hurricane Coffee, Billy is deployed, the most hope I have is that even though I don't have a date, I know that this is the last leg (I think) of real wait time to be Mrs. Wisor. I am nervous, but excited to be a wife.
Although this year has not been everything that I had planned, God has once again shown me beautiful and wonderful blessings that I never would have discovered, had things gone my way. I am sad that so far, things have been so unpredictable and confusing. Still, I am not disappointed, I don't feel let down, or underappreciated. It may have not been full of big parties and a whirlwind of wedding planning, God has shown me how to see the celebration in every day. I have learned to cherish the small moments, realizing that every minute is a beautiful blessing, and being allowed to understand this struggle and being able to feel every emotion to its full extent, has been a growing experience that I will continue to learn from, every day of my life.
So if you are wondering if I am happy, the answer is complicated. The fact is that I have a hopeful joy in the depth of my spirit that keeps me smiling every day of waiting, every day of wondering, and every night of crying. This too, shall pass. Happy is fleeting, joy is eternal. Mostly I just miss my man.
Please stop by the coffee shop to see me <3 I need more friendly and familiar smiles in my life (plus we do have the best coffee in the county)
P.S. My new ring is amazing and I'll let you look at it if you come to the coffee shop ;)
