One Whole Year

 I can’t believe its been a year. A year of marriage, a year of living on the other side of the country… a full year. It’s so crazy to me that I am doing it. I have a little furnished home, I have a husband I cook for every night, I have meal plans and budgets and I have work friends and church friends, and I even have a handful of regulars at the coffee shop that all know at least a few of my crazy farm kid stories. 

A year ago, I loaded my life into a Uhaul, and drove away from everything I have ever know. I was excited, I finally, FINALLY got to spend more than two weeks with my best friend… I had the rest of our lives to look forward to. With a heart (and a uhaul) FULL of the love and support of the village that raised us, it was time to embark on the adventure of a lifetime - marriage. 

So, we didn’t get to spend a full year together in the same zip-code, or even the same time zone, but this whole year has been full of growth for me. I’ve learned that husbands need meals every night, and preferably also a lunch every day, I have learned that its worth losing sleep to wake up and make your husband lunch and see him off to work every day. I learned that finding a man that will cross state lines with you, in search of a cow, is  imperative. I have learned that being excited over new spatulas is perfectly acceptable. I’ve learned that teaching your husband to cook your breakfast is worth the struggle, and that sometimes, even grown men just need to be told how to turn off a light when they leave a room. 

But, I have also learned that I’m okay on my own, that building your own community is a must, that leadership is scary, but a good leader always has a great team of wise counsel. I have learned that calling your mom and talking on the phone for 4 hours is never the plan, but will inevitably happen. I’ve learned that friends come from unexpected places, that not everybody is against you, just because the little voice in your head says they are. I learned that spending a Saturday helping somebody makes you feel better than a Saturday spent eating cheesecake watching shows, and that relying on your husband to be everything for you, all the time, isn’t the healthiest thing for you, OR your husband. 

That last one was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn. I think I may have been slightly co-dependent  on him. He makes me feel so safe and secure… I never felt the need to look elsewhere for support. I actually thought that maybe it was bad to look for support elsewhere. Well, its not. I was putting a lot of pressure on Billy, and it was adding a lot of stress to our marriage. I didn’t have anything for myself, and (I hate to admit this, but I’m doing it for the blog) I actually felt a little resentment for the freedom he seemed to have. He never told me I couldn’t attend bible study, or that I couldn’t have friends (he encouraged it, actually) but I was sure that he was the only friend I needed. The only support system I needed. 

Well his phone broke right after he left for deployment, and I could rely on him no more. I wound up finding a bible study to attend and hopefully find some friends, to find the support that had just recently gone missing, but the strangest thing started to happen. I didn’t even see it happening until all of a sudden I looked up and I had a community. I wasn’t relying on one person. I wasn’t relying on one group, I had friends, and co-workers and I even had connections in the military community that wanted to support me. Jacksonville started to become home to me. Almost. 

Its only been a few months, but already I can see a garden of beauty growing around me. I have hobbies! I have a little garden, and houseplants! I’m cooking new meals, I’m experimenting with new foods and recipes! I go out with my friends, and I love to find hidden gems at thrift stores, and my husband never told me that I couldn’t do any of it. I really was just so worried about being his “perfect wife” that I completely neglected being a human outside of my husbands needs. 

Some of you may think this sounds crazy, and wildly unhealthy, and you’re right. The truth is, I didn’t even know what I was doing. I was so worried about making sure that Billy was never  uncomfortable , never had to do anything for himself, wanting to spend every moment possible with him, I completely forgot that  I could also have a life outside of the home.

It’s kinda scary for me to put myself out there like this, but I’m doing it because maybe there is somebody like me, who doesn’t even realize that she’s living for something else. I’m not saying I live for myself now, because I absolutely do not. I live for God, trying to glorify His name with every breath I take, but God didn’t creat us to be lonely creatures. He wants us to fellowship and make friends and enjoy the world He created for us! Life will always be like this. I will always wake up and realize that there are things I can change, but that’s part of the beauty of it all. 

I’ve learned that putting various wines in your pasta sauce is fun, and makes you feel more fancy. I’ve learned that sometimes, a good slice of cheesecake and some lounge clothes are the answer, but sometimes, getting dressed and going for a walk is also the answer. I’ve learned that thinking and planning fun surprises for your SO is extremely fun, especially when you’re bursting with excitement but you have to keep it a secret. I’ve learned that growing carrots in a field  behind your house tastes better than carrots grown in a planter box, but both are equally satisfying. I’ve learned that you can’t judge somebody by the rig they drive, no matter how bad you want to (some of them make it toooooo easy), but most importantly, I’ve learned that house plants need sunlight and water, and that depriving them of either will kill them, just like depriving humans of sunlight and water will do the same. 

What a year. What more is there to say?