Discontentment

Tired of running through the motions. 

The same drinks with the same people at the same place. The same coffee before work where you do the same thing at the same time, and go home.... When life is more of a ritual than something to experience. Discontentment is wanting change. It just matters HOW discontent you are. Do you look at your yard and think "I should mow" but then you don't? Its because you don't want a mowed lawn as much as you want something else. Its not bad. Your just not discontent enough to make that change. 

Its when you catch that passion for change. When your like "Why stop at mowing my lawn? Lets get some fertilizer and plants" and you transform. Yes, its a really bad analogy. Think about it though. That need for change, its so much greater than the appeal of leaving it the same. You go out, explore the world. Find different options.  Get a new job. Take that crazy jump and just CHANGE something. When your out of your mind, searching for something more. I mean, there has to be more to life than the same coffee every day, right? There has got to be something more for me than just this job. Just this desk, just this. There has to be more than JUST THIS. 

I'm 17, so really, what would I know? 

I was tired of being Just Georgia. Not this Just Georgia. 

No.

I mean, the 4th grader whos best friend was Harry Potter. I mean the kid who barley scraped by in school, the kid that didn't have friends, the kid that asked herself constantly why she didn't have friends. The kid that was always asking people what she could change about herself to be better, to climb that ladder and be someone more than just the idiot that was annoying and stupid. Tired of the kid that felt ugly ALL THE TIME. Tired of feeling like  I couldn't even be in front of my family without makeup, tired of dreading going places because I didn't know anyone, and the people I did know hated me. I got tired of the same county lines, the same summers. Tired of being inside of myself.

So I did something about it. 

I started traveling. That was the first key. Get away from where I was.  The second was to get outside of myself. 

Now, please. I need to explain so you can adequately feel the gravity of the situation. 

I'm not really shy, but people scare me out of my mind. When a bunch of people are in the same place, its hard for me to stay calm. In front of my parents, I was always big and bold and I sang and I danced, but that was not the case in front of people. No. I was trained to stay small and quiet. People HATED the noise I made. Hated it. I hated myself, I was scared. I let people walk on me. I felt like absolutely nothing more than an unwanted, inconvenient, disappointing failure. 

So, get outside of myself. I didn't really want to. I was really scared. Here is what I did. 

If I wanted to take a random dance break, I took one, and suddenly people around me were also taking a random dance break, and BAM. I found people who I could take random dance breaks with. I wanted to sing, so me and a friend stood in the middle of an open space and sang. Soon, 45 other kids had joined, and I had found people that not only enjoyed music like I did, but also had the same songs as I did memorized, and even enjoyed singing off key in front of people. Or maybe I had given them the courage?  If I wanted to go to coffee, I just asked if anyone wanted to go. I mean, everything I did. I tried to do it confidently. I knew there were kids laughing at how stupid I looked. I knew kids were whispering. I was tired of letting their small voices control me. I was discontent with a situation I could control, so I just took that jump and changed. 

I got tired of my grades at school, so I transferred to a school I was scared of going to. I didnt want to be a new kid again. I knew other kids were gonna laugh at me so much more. "Georgia can't handle school" "Georgia is a baby" "Georgia is weak" "Shes so stupid"  "She is never gonna be anything" Yes, it was terrifying. What if they were right? Well, staying in the same place was legit getting me nowhere. So I took a chance, and changed. I feel like I've made a lot of personal growth in the past few months. I was so scared, but I did it. I'm glad I did. What did I have to lose? Things couldn't have gotten worse. The pain of changing was less than that of staying the same. 

Robert Frost said he chose the road less traveled by, but eventually the roads even out. Eventually its not gonna be clear which road is less traveled. Another thing, you don't just choose a road and take that straight stretch to your destination. There are forks in the road every day. You constantly change paths, alter variables, create new paths. 

If your discontent, do something about it. Take that jump. Your never gonna know. Your never gonna feel that adrenaline rush if you don't take the chance. There IS more to life. 15 seconds of courage. 4 seconds of courage. Sometimes, thats seriously all it takes. 

I just recently took a journalism job for UBC politics. I love writing. I'm just kinda worried people wont like my writing. I kinda wanna apologize for not being able to translate my thoughts into words. I was worried that Caleb, the guy who took my interview, would read my writing or hear me talk and think "Nope. She sucks. What a waste of time" I was really wrong about that though. Now I'm on a team and I get to do what I love and benefit people! I was tired of being afraid. 15 Seconds of courage. They asked for an interview, and I gave them my number. I held my breath as I hit send. I could already feel myself panicking. 20 minutes later, I was on a team of brilliant people. 

I also want to publicly proclaim that I am once again picking up my drum sticks, and I will be gallantly leading myself into sick rock beats the rest of the summer, and hopefully for a while. Yes, I am scared of judgement. I am scared of being confident about my drumming, but what do I have to lose? I love playing. Right now I don't play, and I get criticized. So whats gonna happen if I play? People are gonna judge? Too late. 

Please. I know my thoughts are scattered. This post was a lot more moving when it was only in my head. But take that chance. Ignite yourself. Be a dooer. Your not stuck here. There IS more to life. Every step you take in the right direction is another step on YOUR road. No matter what, you are going to be ok. Even if it all goes wrong, its gonna be ok. So just take the chance. Who are you? I mean, who are you REALLY? 

Drop your thoughts in the comments! I love interacting with my followers! Thank you guys for reading :)