Purpose

It had to start young. 

If I had ever felt like part of the group, part of the school, the team. I never would have had the opportunity to go to the Alternative school. I didn’t see it then. Heck, I was a third grader. I remember it. I remember staring at myself in the mirror in the bathroom, home sick for Washington, but I knew. God would not have sent me here if He didn’t have a plan. I knew I was going to make a change. A real change. I just knew it. 

That didn’t make dealing with it any easier. At all. I lost sight of that eventually. I forgot that I knew something good had to come out of this, as the pain of missing *home* took over, and I was consumed in self doubt. 

I graduated three weeks ago, and this weekend I watched  my best friends graduate from Lake Side High School. It was an amazing weekend. I got to spend time with their class. I was honestly shocked. We all laughed together and played this crazy game and it was so good. And I was reminded of how much I really missed Washington. 

Let me explain though cause if you even knew we lived in Washington, you’d probably think I was crazy for missing it. I left in the first grade!! 

I was so excited. The day my mom said we were leaving, I was like “BOOH YEAH!” And started running around my house, telling it that I wouldn’t miss those walls. I remember the first time we drove over. I fell asleep right outside of Colfax, and didn’t wake up till we were almost there. It felt like a 15 minute drive! Yeah well. It was closer to 4 or 5 hours. We got to enterprise, and the distance of my *safe place* started weighing on me. 

I know I was little, but I honestly have so many good memories from Colfax. My sister and I used to run around in my moms *fairy garden* and pretend to be fairies and hide from people who drive by on the road. I remember dance classes and sock parties on the hardwood floor in my and my brothers room. I remember my kindergarten and pre school teachers. I remember trips to the mall with my mom and dad. I remember stopping by les Schwab with my mom to see my dad. It just felt like everything was so much better in that little world. 

Here, the kids were harsh. Our house was small. There was no fairy garden. Enterprise didn’t sparkle like Washington did. Our school didn’t even have a pool. It haunted me for YEARS. I remember up until the end of sixth grade, I fully planned on moving back to Colfax. I had kids sign a little paper at the end of each school year, planning on not seeing them ever again. Well. I always ended up back at the doors of EHS for my first day, the next year. 

I guess I just gave up on that at some point, although I don’t remember when. And it still feels like coming home every single time I go to the Colfax/Spokane area. I don’t know why. However, Spokane will soon be my home, and I know in my heart that the third grader inside of me is ECSTATIC. 

The point is. God was preparing me. I couldn’t have gone to the Alt ed, and made such amazing friendships. Such amazing memories. I wouldn’t have met Maria or any of those kids, who each individually has inspired a part of me that is determined to work with the youth of the nation on a huge scale. I did make a change. Or, I inspired one. 

I couldn’t have made it so that EHS Alt kids could play sports without the help of my mom and dad and faculty. I couldn’t have walked with the kids of EHS without the same support. And it took a whole village of kids to slowly change the way that EHS perceived Alt ed kids. 

The point of this is, maybe you miss home right now. Maybe it hurts a lot and you feel hopeless and you kinda wanna just give up, because what’s the point? But I’m telling you. Hold on. There is a difference to make. There is change to inspire. You have to do what you have to do and sometimes it’s hard. Really, really hard. 

I think that it’s actually about perspective. Because I can look at things and see two perspectives. I could look at my 12 year school career and think to myself “the world owes me” or I could look at it and think “I’ve been equipped with so much resilience and experience. I can use this to do something amazing”. I personally enjoy choosing the latter of the two. I’ve been given so so much. It’s time for me to give back. I’m so excited to serve God with all the tools and insights and experiences that He has given me.