Jacob

Just a forewarning. I haven't even started writing yet and I'm already crying. I miss my little brother.

Friendship. Like. Face masks and ice cream. Companionship. Like mud fights while changing pipe. Loyalty. Like backing each other up.

Yet so much more than words could ever describe. Yes, Jacob was my best friend.

Red Bull and Cardi B. That's how Jake and I did it. All the drives to the lake and my grandpas house. Loud music, and Red Bull or Peace Tea. We'd roll the windows down and sing loud, or yell over the music to talk to each other.

The day I graduated, Jacob went up to the lake and jumped off the dock, fully clothed. Then we walked into R&R, soaking wet, and got fries and a shake. He also took me to prom, and we went to the place and got fries and a shake. We had traditions, I guess.

I don't think it really hit either of us that I was leaving till one day we were driving back from the lake, about to go change pipe, and Jake asked if I wanted to sing camp songs while we worked.

I was like "heck yeah. Lets finish like we started"

And the car got really quiet. You could almost hear the "oof" that came with that statement.

We do everything together. We run (well he runs, I complain. But I always end up really glad I went for the run with him), we work, we play, we facemask and have mud fights. We took piano lessons together and camped in the yard and we go for late night walks and lay in the middle of the road, stargazing together. When we fight, its brutal, but we always end up on the same team, and we hardly ever fought. He knows my secrets and I know his. He made an embarrassing speech about me at my graduation, and said "amen" when Matt (our youth pastor) said it was my last Sunday at ECC as a youth group member.

We spent as much time together this summer as we could. We were at the store getting our Peace Tea, and the lady who works there said that Jake and I sure do spend a lot of time together, and before I could say anything, he told her that we are best friends and that I was leaving soon and he wanted to spend as much time with me as he could before I left.

Jake hated it when I cried. Any time I cried, for any reason, but we cried together the day I left for college.

Jacob has grown into an amazing young man. I know he will probably not like this entire post because I am being mushy and emotional, but Jake can deal. I am really proud of him. Just as much time we spent together laughing, we also spent together being each other's support group. It was not just rainbows and peace tea. He worked hard every day so I didn't have to. He made sacrifices in his own life so I could get a job in town and focus on myself. He gave a lot up for me. Not just time either. He gave up opportunities, although there were times when we both got the opportunity and we rocked the world.

He grew up fast, but he grew up strong and I can not express my gratitude or love for that kid. I miss him like crazy. He posted on Facebook that walmart wasn't as fun without me, but nothing is as fun without him. I can't wait to come home and see you. We are going to have an amazing time.

Adventure Time!!

Do any of you remember a few months back when I asked you if you thought I should go to Portland or Bend for college?

Well I actually went to Spokane.

Sorry that my posts have been so sparse this summer! I went on so many crazy adventures and trips, I have things to say about bravery and friendship with a brother and my process of growing up in the last three months from graduation to now....

I'll get all that done. Eventually. I swear.

Right now, I'm going to talk about the past week.

Its really weird, walking out of your room. Its something we do so many times, every day, and yet one day, you walk out, and you know the next time you walk in, it will be different. I closed the door on my freshly made bed, my swept floors, and empty closet. I dragged a 50 pound suitcase to my car, the last of the bags I would be taking to college with me, and started my car.

I knew it wasn't the last time I'd be in wallowa county. I knew I'd be back in just a few weeks  to watch a friend of mine be baptized, but it still felt weird. My brother and I sat in silence. Coming home again or not, we both knew that our childhood together was over. We hit the rattlesnake grade and turned up the tunes though. One last jam session together, yeah? My parents followed behind. we crossed the Oregon/Washington state line, smiling.

I'm currently living with family friends. It felt like just another sleepover the first night, but watching my parents drive away from me the next day after college orientation was like watching a part of me walk away. I honestly miss home. I haven't cried that much. I've been pretty busy this week with taking care of getting a bank and a job and switching over to my own phone plan, and being drug around with Rachel and dates with William.

I've called my mom for more advice in the past few days than I have in 16 years combined. Which phone plan? Which bank? Are checks or debit cards a better idea? Credit Union or bank? I've been making choices this week I didn't even know I had. I've been doing extensive research and updating my spread sheet of costs and budgeting, basically daily as I gather new information. What do I need? Where can I cut costs?

I like lists. I like knowing whats up and I like having a schedule. I like plans. I kinda feel like I'm waking up in the mornings to wait now. I want classes to start. I was a job. Why do I have to wait? Why do I have to be patient? I like things to happen fast. My plan for moving to Spokane was to have a job and a phone plan and a bank all figured out by the first couple days, start work on the next monday, and be occupied with something that contained visible purpose, daily. Its hard for me to slow down and relax and just be ok with how things are. College hasn't even started yet and I'm already learning a lot.

Its annoying, why can't things just work on my time? LIke. Come on dude. I had a plan. A PLAN. Will you please follow it with me? I know I'm making progress and getting things in order but it feels like I'm sitting still and I am so bored.

Don't get me wrong though. This whole adventure is so exciting. I'm learning to drive in the city! I'm learning to navigate some low-level adulthood! I'm learning independence! Making choices!! I live in SPOKANE. MY FAV PLACE EVER. College will be an adventure and I am so excited to bring you guys along with me!!