Healing

Mental health has become a huge deal in todays culture. Everybody is recognizing how important it is to not only feed and exercise your body with care, but to do the same for your brain. 

I read a lot of "self-help" books, and one thing I read a lot about, is my inner child. My inner child is the kid who is inside of me. The one that holds all the memories, who carries around the insecurities she developed and acquired at a young age. The thing is, everybody has to grow up, right? Well your inner child tends to get stuck, to stop growing at a certain point when the pain becomes too much. So, as humans, we grow taller every year, we develop more skills and grow into "healthy" adults, our inner child locked deep away. 

My inner child has been stuck for a while. I did such a good job suppressing her, that I even forgot about so much of what happened, what she lived through. So now, I am trying to heal. 

I feel like I have no voice, that's part of the reason I started my blog. My blog may be public, but its letters to me. Every blog I write its so healing for me. I need to be able to read, and hear my own thoughts. I need to know they are out there, so that if someday, somebody wants to hear me, they can look back and read my blog. In a way, I guess they are letters to my daughter, too. Hopefully, encouraging letters. 

With every blog I write, I feel a little more free. I unlock memories, and feelings that have weighed so much inside of me, things I didn't even know I was carrying around. Most the time, after I write my blogs, or even during, I just cry. Big, fat tears, my body shakes, and normally I would try to pull it together, to breath in air and suck all that pain back down, but I don't really feel like doing that anymore. 

I'm growing up. I'm married, and I plan on having kids one day. I keep thinking about how, on an airplane, I have to put on my mask before I could help my baby put on theirs, and I think its the same for everything in life. I need to be in a healthy safe place in order for me to be able to assist others to their healthy, safe place. My new goal is to heal. 

Healing for me, will look like strong boundaries, saying "no" instead of making excuses, telling the truth, even if its uncomfortable, introducing myself without saying "I'm not very popular, so if you want to have friends, you probably shouldn't hang out with me". I will wear the clothes I like, and sing alone to my music because it feels good. I'll cry when it hurts, instead of pretending I'm untouchable, and  I will work through years and years of pain that I have held on to like a safety blanket. I will choose forgiveness everyday, for myself and those who hurt me. 

Most importantly, I will share my story. I know that I am not alone in my pain, or my experiences. I am blessed enough to speak, so I will. I am not here to drag anybody through the mud, I'm not seeking revenge, or justice. This is about me. This is about doing what's best for me, instead of being a welcome mat. 

I used to think of healing, as taking a long, hot bubble bath. Every time my feelings started to resurface, when I became emotionally exhausted, when my nightmares would come back, I'd do a facemask and take a bath and wonder why it just made me feel anxious instead of making me feel better. I repainted the house, trying to ignore the fact that it was falling apart. I didn't understand what healing really was.

Welcome to my journey, welcome to my story. I hope you share it, because I know I am not alone, and hurting people are typically really good at hiding it. There is hope, no matter where you are in life. 

Giving in to Christmas

 You have all seen my goofy posts about Billy not letting me set up my Christmas tree, or decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Well, Thanksgiving has past and my house is decorated. Its not quite as decorated as I want, but when you're ballin' on a budget.... Sometimes you have to skip spending $200 on Christmas décor at Hobby Lobby. My life is SO hard! (that's a joke) 

My family was always a little crazy around the holidays. My mom had her bazaar going on, there were Christmas parties, trying to make it up to Lewiston to spend time with friends and see the Christmas lights, Advent at church, doing our own bible studies, trying to work in some cold afternoons with hot cocoa and a good book or movie, not to mention the gift shopping and crafting of incredible cards to send out during the holiday season. It might not sound like a lot, but when you figure that you have 25 days to get all of that done, a bunch of it overlaps, and you have kids who have their own thing going on, it is a lot. Like, a lot a lot. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved it. I miss it all. I almost even miss the snow.... I'm wearing shorts and a tee-shirt right now, while everybody in my hometown gets to wear pretty sweaters and jeans. Maybe I don't miss the snow... I miss winter fashion. I don't want to drive in it... just look good in it! Anyway. 

Obviously this winter, things are VERY different for me! Before William and I got married, we both agreed that we would take a year-long hiatus from family. We had spent the past three years doing long distance. We had never had a Christmas together where we weren't going from one set of parents house, to the next. Holidays had been stressful for us, and usually involved tears. This year, we just wanted to hang out together, make our own traditions, and get our feet underneath us! Long story short, we are spending Christmas in Florida, just the two of us, and I couldn't be more excited. 

I was hoping that this month would be a nice, chill month. Baking cookies at home, relaxing, packing for and planning our honeymoon. Well that did not happen. Not that its a bad thing! Because its not. There are so many things I want to do, that I have been holding back from for the sake of having a "chill" season. It doesn't quite feel like Christmas for me, but it does for Billy. I just kept thinking back to what Christmass (ssss???) looked like as a kid. All the lights, the magic in the air, the anticipation for church events. I was like "WHYYY am I holding back?" 

So ladies and gents, I am giving in to Christmas. I was so worried that I work run us thin, that we wouldn't enjoy our holiday season if I filled with with festivities, but I was listening to an Advent service this morning, and I just felt God telling me to "give into Christmas" and celebrate and be the light. Christmas is a magical time of year because we are celebrating the greatest miracle that has ever happened to the earth. Thanksgiving was a little bit of a mess, but I loved it, and so did my husband. This year, we are married, its probably the last Christmas we will get, just the two of us. 

I am giving in to the magic that brings everybody together this Christmas! Hopefully, the only tears I shed will be in gratitude and joy instead of stress. Our lives are so full of blessings, its time for us to embrace them, and play a little more on the fun side! You have no idea how wound up I have been this year, it literally feels like God is giving me a back massage and telling me to relax and have fun. Sometimes I get so caught up in my head and the strict rules I make for myself, that I forget I can relax and let go a little. Sadly though, I still couldn't get my Hobby Lobby budget approved :( Maybe next year! 

So excuse us, we have Christmas parties to attend, friends coming over, honeymoon to go on, hot chocolate to drink, and of course, Christmas lights to go look at!! We miss and love our families so much, and we are so thankful that they gave us such incredible childhoods to base all of our new family traditions off of. I can't wait to come back and share with you, all the adventures we had this season. Of course, we know that Christmas is about Christ, and I am not trying to minimize His role in this holiday. God wants us to celebrate, and I can feel Him encouraging me to fellowship and gather and celebrate. 

Merry Christmas everybody!!! 

I hope you all find the time to "give in to Christmas" this year <3

Fear

 I miss opportunities because I get scared. I see things that I don’t know how to do, and I allow that fear to hold me back. I miss out on jobs, activities, and probably even friendships. The thought of being faced with something that I might not already know how to do, scares me. I didn’t even know that about myself until just now, it’s 11:30 at night. Three hours past my bed time. I’m thinking about this job at a coffee shop that I am going for, waiting on their call, scared that I won’t look appealing enough on my resume. I know my resume is weak. It doesn’t tell half of what I have done. 

It took a lot of guts for me to apply. They have a dish on their menu (it’s a bistro type coffee shop) that I don’t know if I can make. I mean, it’s simple. It’s a simple dish. They probably have it streamlined so it’s even easier to make them it looks, but it scares me. That one dish. Lots of coffee shops have that one dish. Maybe it’s not even a dish, maybe it’s a drink I’ve never made before. Regardless, every coffee shop in this town has that One Thing that I don’t know how to make, that I have never made before, and so I scare myself out of going for it. 

However, this coffee shop was different than every other coffee shop that I went to. When I walked in, I felt like I was home. I saw the espresso machine, and my heart started singing. The vibes were chill, the aesthetic was simple... I was so excited to be there. I just knew that it was the coffee shop for me (even the baristas were nice!) So I set my fear aside and I applied. That rhymes. I'm a poet. Yet, as minutes ticked by (an unreasonable amount of time for them to have reviewed my application and called me), my anxiety kicked in. Would they call me? Was I good enough? If I did get hired, could I handle how busy they get, or all the new foods I'd have to make? Suddenly I was wishing I could withdraw my application. 

But why? There are few things in life that I truly enjoy more (or as much as) pulling a perfect espresso shot. Learning the espresso machine I get to work with, the people I work for, and serving them a truly artful masterpiece that they refer to as their “regular”. One stupid oatmeal bowl is keeping me from that joy. Why. 

Why was it easy for me to learn how to make coffee, but it’s hard for me to learn to make an oatmeal bowl with pretty blueberries and strawberries decorating it. I didn’t know how to make coffee before I learned, but I wasn’t scared of learning. What changed in me, that I am now afraid of new things. 

It has been two months since my last blog post, and there are so many blogs I wanted to write, so I’m wondering why I’m awake right now, desperate to get this one down on paper (figuratively). Is it because I want this job so badly, that the thought of failing to get it, terrifies me? Is it just the feeling of failure anyways? Or am I just overthinking. 

I’ve always prided myself on being completely bold, and fearless. I was 12 when I decided I was deathly afraid of cows and I was 13 when I decided that cows were scary, but I couldn’t let it stop me from living my life (I grew up on a farm, feeding cows in the winter). 

My only option is to be fearless. Even if I don’t get a call from Sago, there are other coffee shops in the Jacksonville area. Even if they have complex looking oatmeal or fruit bowls. I learned how to make a perfect coffee (which actually involves a lot of chemistry and math), so I know I can learn to make anything. After all, I do have my mothers genetics and I have never seen her meet a task she couldn’t tackle. 

Still though, I wonder. Why am I so afraid? 

                             

I Can Save You Money.

 Its 5:30 PM on a Thursday night. You have no idea what to make for dinner. Time ticks by as you busily rush around doing the other thousand tasks you have to do today. Suddenly its 6:30. Sports are over and your husband is home, everybody is hungry and you're exhausted. Your fridge is empty and you have no idea what to make for dinner. 

Is this a familiar scenario for you? It was in my house (my house with my husband) and let me tell you, it was rough. Grocery shopping was so hard, I never knew what to get, or even how to shop. I would buy things like spinach and lettuce and cabbage, wanting to do something fun, but never having the time, energy, or creative freedom by the time dinner came around. So I am going to tell you how to become more efficient with your grocery shopping, eliminate decision fatigue, and inspire you to use your head of lettuce before it goes bad!!! 

I meal plan. 

Now before you roll your eyes and click off, wait and listen because I promise you, this will help you save money!!! 

I used to make a bunch of trips to the store to pick up random items for dinner, if I had had a random idea in the middle of the day and didn't have the ingredients. I would also run out of things we needed daily, like bread and lunch meat for Billy's lunches. Now, I always have what we need, and our dinners are delicious and creative. 

First, you will need time. The first time I meal planned, it took me all morning to figure out what I was doing. You will also need a Pinterest board, a pen, a few sheets of paper, and coffee. 

I love to scroll through Pinterest for meal ideas. I got lots of cookbooks and recipes from our friends and family at the wedding, so I always check them, too! I save the dinners (or any meal of the day) that looks fun, easy, and delicious on my Pinterest board, so I can always go back and reference them. On one sheet of paper, I have the days of the week. I write down the food there. Example:

Monday: Baked Potato Soup

Tuesday: Parmesan Chicken Pasta

Wednesday: Lemon Garlic Chicken

On another sheet, I write down all the ingredients that I don't already have. I already have things like spices, potatoes, and pasta noodles. I need to purchase things like chicken, and parmesan. Knowing that I am going to be making a lot of dishes with chicken this week, I made sure to get lots of chicken. I never buy ingredients I don't have a plan for, and since I already know what I am making, I can buy enough so that I will have all of the ingredients I need, and eliminate trips to the store. P.S. Sundays are always leftovers. It helps us plan our date nights as well! 

I also already have a plan for dinners, so in the mornings, I can either throw it in the crockpot, or that evening, I don't have to decide what we are making for dinner. Plus, my husband is always excited to look at the meal plan for the week in complete excitement as his favorite dishes approach! We always do a fun dinner, like street tacos, or home made calzones on Fridays. It makes the week more fun, and we always end it with a celebration. 

I know this blog has been a little different from my regular blogs, and next weeks will be too! I felt really compelled to write these blogs, they have been at the forefront of my mind these past few weeks. I hope that this helps even just one person. I love you guys and I miss everybody back home! Have a great week and I'll talk to you in my next blog! <3 

Rome Could've Been Built in a Day.

 Its currently 8 PM, 81 degrees and mostly humid. I love it. 

I prefer the humidity at night way more than I do during the day. I don't know why. I feel so well rested in this moment. Not that today was restful, at all. Today, I cleaned the entire house, meal planned, and went grocery shopping. But something about this moment. All by myself, listening to the waterfall, music playing softly. It feels like the first true moment of rest I have had since before the wedding. 

Boy, what a crazy couple of months. We got a date, ran into planning, got married, jetted across the country, rapidly set up our home and rushed into an insane routine. I can't believe I have already been married for over a month. 

My mom always told me that Rome wasn't built in a day. I wonder how long it took to build Rome, and I wonder how much faster I could have done it. My mom would say this to me, because as soon as I got a project in my mind that I wanted to do, I wouldn't stop until I got it done. This month has felt like a day. I blinked, and the wedding was over. I took a breath and we had moved. I took a nap and I woke up here on our patio. Yet, every memory is so vivid and fresh in my mind. How did this happen? It took us 4 days to get across the country, 3 days to get the house unpacked, and then a blur of finding furniture and home décor that feels like it has finally just finished. 

I guess building out home was a project I wanted to do and I was not going to stop until I was finished. Its just weird to make pancakes for breakfast and eat at the bar, instead of on our yeti cooler in the middle of a sea of boxes. We have bar stools! We have been so abundantly blessed by friends and family... We couldn't have built our Rome without everybody that decided to be a part of our lives. 

Sitting here now, finally being able to reflect on everything that has happened, I am overcome with gratitude. Its so fun and exciting for me to pack Billy a lunch every day, to have beautiful dishes to cook and serve food with. Such lovely items all over our home, but to me they are so much more than items. Not a day goes by that I don't use something and say (out loud, I think it annoys Billy) 

"So and So got us this!" 

Our home was filled with love. Each item, each thing, holds so much value to me.

So I guess maybe even though we put together our home in what feels like a day, it was years and years of love that was poured into our home. We started building this place before we even knew each other. Rome could have been built in a day, if it had a team like the one William and I have behind us. I know this blog is shorter, but I want to wrap it up and spend time in the peace and quiet with my new husband!!!! It feels like we haven't gotten to spend much quality time together, just because of all the hustle and bustle. 

Thank you to everyone who helped my parents with the wedding. Thank you to everyone who came to the wedding, who sent us gifts. Thank you to everybody back home. You guys are the reason we are where we are. I can't believe that I am married to my best friend, and waking up everyday in such an abundantly blessed environment. We love you guys, and I am a little homesick for the mountains <3 Stay tuned to my blog for further updates on this new adventure of becoming Wisor!!

                           

                                Billy & I at my first baseball game, 2018

Good Enough?

 I've got two blogs drafted right now, and I don't think either one is good enough. 

Both blogs are about my life, how things are going right now. My adventure, if you will. I totally just feel like they aren't interesting enough, or maybe fancy enough, or anything compared to what maybe they should be. The words fall flat when I type them. The excitement maybe just isn't as exciting when I put it through the lenses of social media. The joke I laughed at just isn't funny when I try to share it with you..

Are you the one putting this pressure on me? The pressure to be interesting, and aesthetic, and post more? No. So then who is? Why do I feel this NEED to present to you a perspective of my life that is so completely captivating and possibly unrealistic? Hasn't my goal with this blog always been to be real about where I am at? 

Well here is where I am at. I'm in Florida, and have possibly never been so underwhelmed by such a drastic choice in my entire life. 

Now before you start getting upset, hear me out. I am merely a victim of what everybody falls victim to, expectation. I thought my life with be a movie once I got married and moved. I thought that the sun would shine, every single day. William and I would share glasses of wine and watch the sun set over the ocean, and I would be instantly tan and toned and I would be the worlds best surfer, but I would also be hosting dinner parties and game nights and my husband and I would be the social hub of NAS Jax. Every day, I would be on the beach, sipping hot coffee while I took my morning stroll. 

The reality is, I wake up at 5AM to make my husband the same sandwich sack lunch, every day. I read my bible, make my coffee, iron my sheets, and clean the house. Then William comes home form work and I make dinner, and I do dishes. We watch a movie and go to sleep. I meal plan, I budget. I check Pinterest. There is quite the difference in pictures, right? 

Where did I even get this? Why do I feel such a need to make it seem like my life is the first picture? My mom used to tell me that she loved my blog because it was so insightful, and she hoped it wouldn't become a shallow blog where I just talked about how great my life was, and I never wanted that to be my blog either. I think I just got caught up, trying to maybe prove to people, and possibly myself, that I had made it. I was at a spot in my life that most people my age haven't reached yet and it was glamorous. 

Honestly though, if I never had to share with you the adventure of my life, it WOULD feel like a movie. Its not quite the movie I was expecting, but its still my favorite movie of all time. Even though my days hardly ever vary, every single one is still an adventure. Marriage is still a wild jungle full of unknowns. I do go to the beach, at least once a week, and I love meal planning. I am actually thinking of writing a blog on why we should ALL meal plan. 

So yeah, maybe our road trip across America is hard to make sound interesting, because really, other than a light in the truck coming on, me losing the oil cap, and both of us struggling to stay awake (and a freak tornado worthy storm), the trip was boring. The views were amazing, Wyoming is a nomads land, and Nashville is probably the coolest place I've visited, but that's really it. Its not the glamor I was expecting, but if you were there, you would have though it was the most fun trip of your life, too. 

Now, I realize that I do not actually have to share anything with you. I never have to tell you about my "adventure", or anything else for that matter, but I love it. I hate having writers block, or comparing my life to some made up standard I manufactured in my own mind, but I love my blog. Just like I love my Instagram. I know I am not "Insta model", and as hard as he tries, my husband is not a professional photographer, and some of the jokes we share would not make sense to literally anybody (they don't even make sense to me sometimes), but its all magical and wonderful for me, and that's what I want to convey to you, not the flawless plastic version. The raw organic version. Like good carrots. 

I also realize that I can not take any of the credit for being where I am. God has heavily and abundantly blessed my husband and I. Our families have supported us like crazy, and throughout the whole season of engagement and the wedding, we were given so many blessings from all of the people around us.  We continue to have such a hand of blessing laid on us. We have so many people around us, lifting us up both in prayer, and their outward support for us. Every moment of this journey, every boring (or exciting) hour, has been a testament to Gods love and grace. My heart just bursts with gratitude when I think of all the support and love that surrounds us.

So I guess what I am saying is that today, I learned yet another lesson. I need to take some of the pressure off my shoulders, let go of some pride, and just enjoy the genuine story that I am living. This one has flaws, it has fights, it lacks the beach and maybe our dinner parties and game nights are just Billy and I right now. Even though on the big stage of the world wide internet, it's a story nobody would read, its the story of my life, and I love it.  This story is good enough. Its' perfect. I struggled with this in high school too, I wanted my Instagram to make it look like I was having more fun than I was. So here is some wisdom form somebody who just came out of it

Don't worry. Odds are, whatever laugh you're sharing is a ton more fun than trying to look perfect or fun. Lifes beauty comes from the flaws, and if you're in high school or junior high, I know that those words sound like a repeat of whatever your parents just said, but it is true! You have more fun when you're not trying to impress, and I recommend living life through that lenses. 

So now you know I have two blogs in the drafts that I hope I finish and post, even though they are a little boring!!! I love you guys, I am seriously enjoying married life, and I miss home DAILY! Thank you for your continued support <3 

Florida on My Mind

 WOW! Have I been living in Florida for a month already? 

That means just over a month of adventures with my HUSBAND!!! We are all settled into our cozy little apartment here in Jacksonville, we even have our first fish (and snail, named Zoomer)! So how has it been, going from mountain girl, to living in the city? Well let me just tell you, it has been a 180. 

Fun fact: Cockroaches are like ants, apparently. People just HAVE them. You can be as clean as you want, never leave food on the table, diligently clean all your homes surfaces, they will just appear sometimes. Cockroaches can also smell their dead, so if you kill one, more will appear to eat their dead friend, so to get rid of them, you just have to usher them out of your home. Oh, and when I suggested to Billy that he flush them, he told me he was worried they would just crawl back out of the toilet. :) I'm living with earth walking demons from hell. 

That being said, our apartment has had very few (maybe two, thank God), and they only appear when Billy is home and can handle them himself, because Lord knows I don't want to touch them. I also haven't seen any spiders or bees!! I probably just jinxed myself, but it has been a nice month with no cat spiders or giant grown spiders.  

On a better note, I have turned so brown. I didn't even realize it until I saw a picture of myself from our road trip across America! The sunrays will pernitrate your clothes, so I hardly have tan lines (not to brag), but there is a difference between the skin I've tried to tan, and the skin I haven't. Billy got a sunburn in his first week back, even through his SPF 50. HOW??? He has lived here longer than me!! Life with my husband has been quite the adventure, but that's for another blog. 

Billy and I have found a church. The culture down here is so different. I'm used to our worship team using string instruments, dim lights, hymnals, really personal. Here, there are light shows, brand new worship songs, a full band every week, if your hands aren't up, you're the weird ones in the audience. There is also no coffee shop. Technically, they have a "café", but its drip coffee with real creamer, if you'd like. I am in anguish! No espresso :(  

We have Duncan Doughnuts coffee, and Starbucks. Neither coffee shop uses real espresso shots. If you go to a "real" coffee shop, you'd better be ready for it to also be a bar with an insane DJ. Also, you have to go all the way to the beach for it (we are 15 minutes from the beach), and it doesn't open until 7AM. It kind of makes me wonder what the point is? I guess nothing down here opens until 10:00 or 11:00AM anyways. 

Tropical Storm Elsa felt like nothing. We had a worse rain storm a couple days ago. Billy got to stay home on the day of the storm, and our phones kept ringing with this awful sound to warn us of possibly tornados and everything, but it hardly rained, and we got a little wind. It has rained so much worse on almost every other day that I have lived here. Seriously, its not "Sunny Florida" its "Rainy Florida" and you cant take the weather forecast seriously because if you wake up and the forecast calls for rain all day, it will probably be really sunny, but if it says sunny, there will be torrential downpour that the weather never predicted. It rains every day, you just have to guess how hard it will rain, and when. Sometimes, you get a crazy thunderstorm with a few drops of rain, and sometimes its just all of a  sudden a flashflood and two minutes later the sun has almost dried the pavement up. 

The stores are incredible though. I have been really good and I have only been window shopping, but its so interesting to see the difference in fashion down here. 15 minutes from our house is the hottest shopping in Jacksonville, St. Johns Town Center. They have everything from Louis Vuitton, to Coach, to  Dicks Sporting Goods and Nordstrom. They even have a really awesome surf shop! The clothes themselves though..  Everything is in nudes and pastels. You wont find a jewel tone tank top here, no matter how hard you look. EVERYTHING is a crop top. You see a cute sweater? Crop top. Cute tee shirt? Crop top. The actual "crop tops" Are like ribbons girls put over their chests! How long before I start wearing crop tops? The thought alone scares me. 

Also (and this makes me so upset) If you are above a size medium, the malls just don't carry your size. They might have a large, but it fits like a medium. If you are a regular sized human like me, you have to go to "plus size" stores, or Target or Ross. Like, the stores just don't even have an option for girls like us. There are a few stores, like Buckle, and even their tee shirts are a normal length. but everybody else gets away with having no options for normal sized, possibly well endowed women. 

Its been an adventure, and I definitely miss home. The sunsets over the beach are beautiful... but they just cant compare to the sun behind the mountains. It is kind of awesome to see kids (including my husband) freak at how "cold" the ocean is. But I am also too hot to wear even a jacket on all the days that the other girls here are in sweaters. Its 82 degrees. Why are you in a sweater. 

Speaking of which, it is a 90 degree, sunny day! The beach is calling, and I now must go! I miss everybody back home and I talk about you all the time. I'm going to try to keep my blog more updated <3 

Wedding Day

 June 12, 2021, 5:30 AM, I cant sleep. 

It's raining on the day of my outdoor wedding, so naturally, I go wash my truck in the rain. I can't believe its my wedding day. We waited a year and a half for this day, and all of a sudden, its here. 

The rehearsal dinner the night before was so fun. Family, friends, laughter. We ate too much and drank a little, giving speeches and sharing stories, crying and hugging. It was family. Afterwards, I had gone to Billy's family's cabin up at the lake to chat with them before the big day. It was really nice to be able to just sit and relax with Billy's family. He made sure to get me home before midnight though, because he wanted to call and say goodnight, but refused to talk to, or see me, past midnight cause then it was technically the wedding day. 

Miranda (my best friend and maid of honor) and I hopped in my truck, with some posters and a staple gun to go have us a morning of fun. We hung 6 or 7 "Falk/Wisor Wedding" posters directing people to my house, and went to my favorite coffee shop to get breakfast and a coffee before heading to Safeway to buy the stuff to vandalize the "getaway car" with. 

As soon as we got back to the house, it was already bustling with activity. The sun was finally shining!  Tents were being decorated in the front yard, fruit kabobs were being made in the kitchen, and my giant dress was being steamed in the garage. I tried to help out, keeping my eye on the hours slowly counting down. Bridesmaids started showing up, drinks got poured, and we got the Bridal Beauty Train underway. 

Now, I don't know if you have ever witnessed a bunch of nervous, possibly tipsy girls get ready before, but let me explain it to you. 

There was one, minor and short freak-out by the bride,  three spiked Redbulls, one curling iron, and an epic, once in a lifetime experience, concert.  There were side conversations, questions that had no answers, lots of A-Capella, a little High School Musical, makeup advice from people who had no business giving it (me), a cloud of hairspray, at one point, my little brother was in the mix somewhere. Alas, somehow, the end result was two beautiful, perfectly pampered bridesmaids, and one bride. 

We had 15 minutes until I had to be walking down that isle and the nerves were growing. My mom was still getting on her dress, my flower girls had no idea what they were doing, and I didn't know either. I wasn't in my dress. I hadn't seen my dad, and I didn't even know if my dress was going to button. 

The next thing I can remember, my dad has a grip on my arm, keeping me from falling. I was walking towards Billy but I couldn't remember what number I was at. Was I walking too fast? It was supposed to take me 45 seconds. Then, I was holding Billy's hand. That felt like a lot less than 45 seconds. 

Life slowed down once I was facing Billy. He threw me a wink, and I knew I was standing up there with my best friend. Everything else would be ok. While our pastor was talking, we tried to slyly get my ring off my finger so Billy wouldn't have to fumble with it later, but he almost dropped it. I couldn't stop smiling. The ring ceremony went perfectly (we had both been worried about the rings fitting... it was a whole ordeal the day before) He mouthed that he loved me. I was holding hands with my best friend on our wedding day, and I knew that everything was going to be ok. 

The rest of the wedding went off without a hitch. It was a complete blast. There was family, and pictures, and games on the lawn. The food was amazing, the speeches were beautiful, and I got initiated into the Walters/Wisor family (I'd tell you what happened, but then I'd have to kill you ;)). We cut the cake with a sword (yeah, an actual sword.) The getaway car was completely trashed. Sawdust was everywhere, Loser was written on the trunk in lipstick (the L was backwards), and the doors were twined shut. 

Luckily, we had hid my truck so my dad could go fetch it for us (haha, jokes on you, boys), we hopped in my clean, white truck and sped off into happiness.  

I can't believe that it happened. It was crazy, and fun, and amazing and I can't thank the people that helped, enough. Everybody was so kind and generous, you have truly filled mine and William's life with love and happiness. We are so excited to share this adventure with you!!! Here are some of the photos our guests took and sent us <3 

Bride to Be

 We are now 10 days from the best day of my life (this far) 

My house is buzzing with wedding talk, I'm rejoicing that my wedding diet is almost over, and my front lawn is being transformed in to a 5 star venue.  My bags are all packed,  my chalked out UHAUL is almost full, and the count down for the day Billy arrives at my house, is in the single digits. 

My house is like a beehive, full of activity and noise. 

Last night, I was on my walk and it all hit me at once. I have been engaged for so long, been away from Billy for so long, that I almost can't believe that its almost time. I am about to drive away from my parents, my little brother, all of my friends, everything. I will be a random person in the largest growing city in America. For the first time in my life, I wont be "So-and-so's daughter", I won't be anybody's daughter. I'll be somebody's wife!!! 

Realization has been hitting me in waves. One moment, I'm the distracted squirrel, not really paying attention to what's going on, sorta running through the motions of what's been asked of me, and the next, my panic monkey takes the wheel and in 15 minutes I have my entire closet packed in to boxes and I cant find a single pair of jeans to wear. 

It almost feels frantic, trying to spend time with my little brother, make plans with our pastor, remember who I need to talk to about rehearsal dinners, make a day-of plan, try to figure out how I can help while my parents create a little village on our lawn.. All while I am trying to make plans for crossing the country, talk to the groom, coordinate with his family, make sure all my things are packed in a way that will fit in our UHAUL, its almost hard to take a second to enjoy this season of my life, because every breath it seems, is filled with anxiety and pressure. 

Yet, through all of it, I get to see the way God has so abundantly blessed my life. I get to marry my best friend, who strives to lead our house in Jesus Christ, I get to grow up with him, and learn and adventure and experience my entire youth with him. My friends and family have been showing such an incredible outpouring of love and generosity, hosting bridal showers for me, and filling my heart with joy. Even through the chaos, I think that everybody close to me has gotten to truly see the Lords hand in all of this, and experience His love. 

I was not expecting any of this goodness. I'll be honest, I was anticipating something awful. I started this season of engagement feeling inconvenient, burdensome, and stupid. There were time I wondered if it was actually right, or worth it, but God has shown me how He used all those times to keep me on a path that was so much more fulfilling than I had ever imagined. Over the last year and a half, my relationship has changed drastically. We have been forced to grow up in a lot of ways, discovered growth, and faced hard truths that ultimately changed us for the better. 

Let me just say, it was all worth it 

I can't wait to get a hug from Billy again. Its been 10 months!!!! I almost want to cry with excitement. I can't wait to blog about all of it. I will try to keep my blog more updated, now that I am moving away and starting my own adventure!!! Life is FULL of adventure, and  I am really blessed to be on this one.

Thank you to my readers! You guys rock, and truly, you are blessings. Thank you!!