Good Enough?

 I've got two blogs drafted right now, and I don't think either one is good enough. 

Both blogs are about my life, how things are going right now. My adventure, if you will. I totally just feel like they aren't interesting enough, or maybe fancy enough, or anything compared to what maybe they should be. The words fall flat when I type them. The excitement maybe just isn't as exciting when I put it through the lenses of social media. The joke I laughed at just isn't funny when I try to share it with you..

Are you the one putting this pressure on me? The pressure to be interesting, and aesthetic, and post more? No. So then who is? Why do I feel this NEED to present to you a perspective of my life that is so completely captivating and possibly unrealistic? Hasn't my goal with this blog always been to be real about where I am at? 

Well here is where I am at. I'm in Florida, and have possibly never been so underwhelmed by such a drastic choice in my entire life. 

Now before you start getting upset, hear me out. I am merely a victim of what everybody falls victim to, expectation. I thought my life with be a movie once I got married and moved. I thought that the sun would shine, every single day. William and I would share glasses of wine and watch the sun set over the ocean, and I would be instantly tan and toned and I would be the worlds best surfer, but I would also be hosting dinner parties and game nights and my husband and I would be the social hub of NAS Jax. Every day, I would be on the beach, sipping hot coffee while I took my morning stroll. 

The reality is, I wake up at 5AM to make my husband the same sandwich sack lunch, every day. I read my bible, make my coffee, iron my sheets, and clean the house. Then William comes home form work and I make dinner, and I do dishes. We watch a movie and go to sleep. I meal plan, I budget. I check Pinterest. There is quite the difference in pictures, right? 

Where did I even get this? Why do I feel such a need to make it seem like my life is the first picture? My mom used to tell me that she loved my blog because it was so insightful, and she hoped it wouldn't become a shallow blog where I just talked about how great my life was, and I never wanted that to be my blog either. I think I just got caught up, trying to maybe prove to people, and possibly myself, that I had made it. I was at a spot in my life that most people my age haven't reached yet and it was glamorous. 

Honestly though, if I never had to share with you the adventure of my life, it WOULD feel like a movie. Its not quite the movie I was expecting, but its still my favorite movie of all time. Even though my days hardly ever vary, every single one is still an adventure. Marriage is still a wild jungle full of unknowns. I do go to the beach, at least once a week, and I love meal planning. I am actually thinking of writing a blog on why we should ALL meal plan. 

So yeah, maybe our road trip across America is hard to make sound interesting, because really, other than a light in the truck coming on, me losing the oil cap, and both of us struggling to stay awake (and a freak tornado worthy storm), the trip was boring. The views were amazing, Wyoming is a nomads land, and Nashville is probably the coolest place I've visited, but that's really it. Its not the glamor I was expecting, but if you were there, you would have though it was the most fun trip of your life, too. 

Now, I realize that I do not actually have to share anything with you. I never have to tell you about my "adventure", or anything else for that matter, but I love it. I hate having writers block, or comparing my life to some made up standard I manufactured in my own mind, but I love my blog. Just like I love my Instagram. I know I am not "Insta model", and as hard as he tries, my husband is not a professional photographer, and some of the jokes we share would not make sense to literally anybody (they don't even make sense to me sometimes), but its all magical and wonderful for me, and that's what I want to convey to you, not the flawless plastic version. The raw organic version. Like good carrots. 

I also realize that I can not take any of the credit for being where I am. God has heavily and abundantly blessed my husband and I. Our families have supported us like crazy, and throughout the whole season of engagement and the wedding, we were given so many blessings from all of the people around us.  We continue to have such a hand of blessing laid on us. We have so many people around us, lifting us up both in prayer, and their outward support for us. Every moment of this journey, every boring (or exciting) hour, has been a testament to Gods love and grace. My heart just bursts with gratitude when I think of all the support and love that surrounds us.

So I guess what I am saying is that today, I learned yet another lesson. I need to take some of the pressure off my shoulders, let go of some pride, and just enjoy the genuine story that I am living. This one has flaws, it has fights, it lacks the beach and maybe our dinner parties and game nights are just Billy and I right now. Even though on the big stage of the world wide internet, it's a story nobody would read, its the story of my life, and I love it.  This story is good enough. Its' perfect. I struggled with this in high school too, I wanted my Instagram to make it look like I was having more fun than I was. So here is some wisdom form somebody who just came out of it

Don't worry. Odds are, whatever laugh you're sharing is a ton more fun than trying to look perfect or fun. Lifes beauty comes from the flaws, and if you're in high school or junior high, I know that those words sound like a repeat of whatever your parents just said, but it is true! You have more fun when you're not trying to impress, and I recommend living life through that lenses. 

So now you know I have two blogs in the drafts that I hope I finish and post, even though they are a little boring!!! I love you guys, I am seriously enjoying married life, and I miss home DAILY! Thank you for your continued support <3