Life Itself

 Billy is safely in Japan, and I am standing on the edge of summer. 

I was told once that I am really good at being alone, but that was back during a time when  I truly wasn't really ever alone. I always had somebody. My dad was a phone call away. Heck, anybody was a phone call away. But now, I'm standing here on the edge of summer, truly on my own for the first time in my life.

3,000 miles from everything I have ever known, my husband and I planted our roots in the ground. That was almost a full year ago. Standing here right now, I honestly can't believe that its happening. That I am here. I am a little afraid, but wildly excited to see what this summer has in store for me, to see who I become. I know this may seem silly, but I imagine myself as a fresh baby cow. I need to learn to stand for survival, but the first few steps are wobbly and scared. I feel like I am just now getting confident on my feet, and it is such a great feeling to be able to look at myself and think "holy crap I am doing it".

Its such a crazy thing to go from being a kid living in your old bedroom, to being less of a kid, living in your own home with your own husband that you cook dinner for, and shop for... Like, I'm a whole wife! I hope that my family back home is proud of me, proud of us. Marriage has been the biggest blessing to ever come into my life. I have learned more about myself, grown into a person that I am proud to be, and I've gotten to do it along side my best friend. He's my safe space, and even though I am not as strong, and my ninja skills are lacking, I think I'm his safe space too.  

In other news, Florida's three months of winter have passed, our week of spring is gone, and winter coats have been traded for tank tops and shorts (yes, it really gets cold enough here for a winter coat) Slowly, vacationers roll in like sleepy bears after a long winter. Every day, a few more come in to the coffee shop, reminding me that soon this little world I've become a part of, will turn into a wild rush of voices and colors and summer. 

In the last four months, it feels like everything has been shaken so hard that it all fell into place. I got a job at an incredible coffee shop, and it gets better every day. Billy and I planted a little garden in a planter box on our patio area, and we dove headfirst into our first deployment as a married couple living together. It was hard at first. There was a sudden burst of adventures and dinner dates and so much busy excitement and eagerness to spend time together after he got back from Iceland, and then even more so when we realized we only had a short time until he left for his real deployment, and then all of a sudden, there was silence. No hustle to make his lunch before we both had to leave for work. No chaotic house cleaning in the hour between when I got home and he got home. Just me, in my little apartment. 

HOWEVER, I am so blessed to have incredible friends I have met through work, and a spirit of excitement about this whole thing. I am standing on the edge of summer. MY summer. This last year has brought a lot of growth and a lot of healing. I realize that I haven't made an update on my "Unfiltered" series, I've just been so busy with life that I haven't really had time to think about it, or even write it down. I had a lot of goals for this year, and I can't wait to share the journey and the lessons with you. I'm back to reading books, painting, writing, all the things I love and chose not to have time for. 

I know that youth, and this feeling of freedom won't last forever. I also know that the hurt of my best friend missing some of it is temporary. I know the sun will set on my Florida summer and the bite of cold that Fall brings will also deliver my husband back into my arms, but as I have said in my past blogs, I can't just sit and wait for him to get home. 

Its seltzer season baby! That means suntans, sunshine, and sandy feet! Cowabunga, my dudes!