when Just Georgia isn't as great

As fun as being "Just Georgia" is, sometimes its really hard. Just Georgia has OCD and ADHD. She is insecure and shy, she can be too loud and too depressed. She misses people, and she can't save the world. 

Basically, she is human. 

I feel like I'm small, and not in physical mass. Its an emotional irrelevance, a state of being insignificant. There are millions of people on earth, and I am just one. People change others lives every single day, and I'm just Georgia. I'm the kind of person that wants to help people. I want to fix things, and not just the broken souls and tattered hope. I also want to fix the broken fences, the barn doors, the gates... but I'm not strong enough to do it alone. 

When I look a the world, I see  so many people making changes and improvements. I see even more people needing someone else. My actions become a drop of rain in an ocean, not even noticeable to the turbulence of waves. My words are lost and forgotten in the screams of millions of others. I'm just... me, and everyone else is EVERYONE else. Do you know what I'm saying? I feel very apart from the rest of the world. I'm a little kid among adults. People have to help me, take care of me, when I rather be able to do it all alone. 

Can you imagine? Being able to help somebody, to make a real difference? I'm just Georgia. Nobody really hears my voice. I help out in my community, but everything I do feels so small. People are out in the world, right now, motivation people. Doctors are saving lives, delivering lives, teachers are educating the future of the world. Musicians are inspiring, athletes are concurring, and I'm just a girl that sits on her computer and writes blogs sometimes. 

17 is the weirdest age ever. I thought that once I was 16, I'd be able to do something big to make the world better, yet here I am at 17, feeling like I should have my whole life under control, owning a house and a full time job, my own car... I feel like I should be doing SOMETHING. Kids my age have record labels, world records, 6 year old kids are taking champion at world competitions. 

I wish I was something MORE. I want to inspire and change lives. I want to matter in a bigger way than just the daughter of Mike and Wendy. 

I want to be a fire that starts other fires, that ignites the world with a revolution of joy and crazy passion. I want to have direction and importance. I want to look in the mirror at a girl who is someone. Not just Georgia. I feel so lost in the world, even as I find myself. Maybe I'll grow into something amazing. Maybe I'm supposed to just be little me for a while, before i take on the world. 

I'm getting restless. My excitement is overpowering. I might just be one tinny little insignificant voice, but someday I hope I'm more.