Noise

I'm a really emotional person.

Like, I'm not Bi-Polar or anything, but my emotions are really magnified.

My joy is like the brightest star in the sky. Its hot and loud and consumes me in its flames. It makes the sun brighter, the air more electric and enthusiastic.

My sorrow brings rain that drives into the ground, flooding even the safest homes. It crashes through valleys, covering them in a thick fog of suffocating darkness.

My anger is lightning flashes and natural disasters. It starts fires and rips the world apart. It surges with power, and sometimes sucks the light out of homes.

I don't have to say or do a think. I make noise, and its just because my presence is so loud. I don't even know how to explain it.

I'm really intense, and that is something I battle with a lot. I often find myself being "too much". I admit it. My 1 is probably closer to your 5. I take things really hard. Mask it with over the top laughter. The little things seem like a big deal. It leads to a lot of jumping to conclusions. It also brings pretty extreme mood swings. I can be really confident one moment, and the next laying on the floor of my bedroom, unable to look at myself. Completely consumed with self hate. I can wake up in the mornings in a really good mood, something small goes wrong, and its hard for me to recover.

I've learned to utilize my writing and music as an outlet for some of that. Today in class, we did an assignment called "Before I Die..." and it was about this girl who lost someone very close to her. It got her contemplating birth and death and the spaces in between. There was an old abandoned building by where she lives, and she painted it with chalk paint. She wrote "Before I Die, I Want To..." and then people filled it in. It started out small, but then grew. The whole wall was full on the first day, and now other countries and states have this wall. Here is a link to the website that has some of the quotes on it ( http://beforeidie.city/responses )

It really moved me and got me thinking about how the whole world experiences emotions. I know I'm not the only kid who feels really intense emotion. On that wall, I would have written "Before I Die, I Want To Positively Change Someones Life" Then I just started thinking of like, everything I want to do before I die.

I pour out my soul in my songs, as quite a few artists do. Music reaches people in a way nothing else can. In a world that is mostly stuck inside of itself, everybody hears music. Its shared, bought, sold, quoted. Its not just the words. Its the movement of the entire masterpiece.    Its all the pauses, the voice breaks, the raw realness of the melody, the vibration of the bass, the peaks in the instrumentals. Its like it can somehow flood your body and take all of that raging emotion and make it into something that can change someone else.

I love sitting in class and seeing a kid go from a troubled look on their face to a grin practically bisecting their face. I know exactly how that feels.  Or like, when I finish writing a song and it feels like the whole world just opened up its skies for me. I also love it when I play piano and my veins flex under my skin. Its like my body is dancing with excitement at the notes I'm letting out.

Its really cool to know that maybe someday I might be able to reach someone else with my music and cause that smile. Help them reign in their emotions. provoke creativity, send peace into the soul. I love it when people talk about their passion, because you can just see that light come on inside of them. Can you imagine being an inspiration to a pair of big beautiful eyes, ready to drink in the world? I don't remember what sparked my desire to be a singer/song writer, but every single time I see another person changed by music, every single time I hear an artists story, it just adds fuel to that fire.

There is really one question to ask yourself:
Who are you when you're done being everyone else?