Am I Brave Enough?

School has defiantly started. School shopping has taken place (thank you to my personal stylist, my mother), and first day jitters have worn off.  I'm a senior in high school. I still cant believe it. I don't feel like I should be. I feel like I'm 10 and I have so much growing to do. 

I'm looking for colleges. I'm planning my future, I'm going to be legal to vote. Live on my own. I'm going to actually be an adult that has to pick out their own clothes and shop online for the best deals without their mom saying "yeah, I think that's a good deal". I'll be paying taxes and doing jobs. I'm gonna have to do the dishes without my mom telling me to. No one is gonna wake me up and cook me breakfast. This is it for me. This is the beginning of the end of my childhood. I wont be able to grumble at my parents, except for over the phone. I'll be figuring out my life on my own. I'll have to be brave and take leaps. I'm going to be in charge of curfew and standing up for myself. I'm not going to be able to give my mom seven million hugs a day.  I have to be brave now... but do I have what it takes? 

Thats the only question. Do I have what it takes? Am I enough? 

Is it a state of mind? Where am I going? Am I brave enough? Brave enough to just say yes to opportunity. To take a shot in the face of fear. Brave enough to accept myself. Am I brave enough to face rejection by peers and teachers. People I want to impress with my writing. Singing, dancing. Anything that is me. Am I brave enough to be myself and take a no? To give it all I have, and still fall short? 

I know what the pain of rejection feels like. I know what it is to give 100 and still fall short. I know what it feels like to feel crazy and alone. To feel isolated and abandoned, so am I brave enough to take that risk on a larger scale? If walking into a school of 200 kids terrifies me, and I brave enough to walk into a school with more than a thousand? 



Am I brave enough to let all of that go? 


My mom always says "Let it go". I heard a guest speaker a year or two ago that said the key to true happiness is to "let it go". Can I? Can I actually just let it go? Is it one breath of air before diving in? Before hitting "send" on that college application. Of making a choice? Or is it mental fortitude? Is it 15 seconds of courage? Does it take more than 15? Or less? Is it the once second you say yes that changes everything? What if I make the wrong choice? Is all of this ridiculous? 

I'll be honest. I'm ashamed of my possible lack of faith. My parents have raised me amazing, I know I'm not the one in control of whether or not any of this works. I don't have a say in what God's plan for me is. It will be way better than anything I could dream up anyways. 

Am I going to be brave enough to go where he needs me? What if he says "Hey G, I'm gonna need you to risk this relationship so this amazing thing can happen"? Like, being left by someone I love is probably my biggest fear. Being rejected, anyways. Is that my biggest fear? I mean, I don't even know my own biggest fear. So how am I supposed to conquer it? What if it is my biggest fear and I'm so scared of being rejected for it that I won't even admit it to myself? 

I could honestly spend the rest of your day (and mine) asking "what if's" that all relate directly to this topic. There are millions! And I've probably spent enough time over thinking it, that I could do it quite successfully. But whats the point? How am I going to ever be brave enough if I don't just get out there and do it? I'm gonna get off my laptop and start motivating myself now. I hope Y'all have a fabulous day.

 YOU GOT THIS. YOU ROCK. YOU SHINE.