7 Things

I sat down at my laptop today, knowing I had something I needed to say. My heart has been heavy for a while now. I can't seem to collect my thoughts. I just know there are a million things I need to say. I honestly don't even know how this blog will turn out and I might take it down later, so if you read it, congrats. You may be one of only a few hah.

First, I want to tell you that time is precious. Its so freaking precious and I feel like I have wasted so much of it. I've had arguments I wish never started, or even just engaged in. There have been nights when I only get a few precious minutes with someone I love and its spent sad, because we only had a few. Moments we choose to argue instead of loving each other, and because of that, I've spent a lot of time scared to reach out to them. I've spent so much time being confused and hurt and scared. So worried about what someone is going to thing, trying not to disappoint, or make choices someone else wouldn't make. Scared to talk to people because I fear rejection. Scared to write a blog because I can already hear phone calls that tell me I'm wrong. 

I've wasted time in the sun, choosing to stay inside because I am tired of always being alone. Choosing to be alone so that I don't have to face the reality that I pretty much am. Spent so much time trying to make it look like things are different than they are so that no one worries, or asks, or maybe reaches out to help because if there is one thing on this earth I fear, its help. Don't waste time hating your best friend because of a little argument. Don't waste time holding anger in your heart for something so stupid. Don't let others rip apart years an years of friendship. Just let your walls down because its so stupid to sit in a lawn chair next to someone who will do anything to make you smile, and still feel alone. 

Second, fear is so stupid. Fear is such an ugly, ugly lie I choose to believe all the time. Fear and insecurity destroy everything. What even is there to be afraid of? Like yeah, hurting sucks, but seriously. I saw a quote on Instagram the other day that was like "why is it that the only time I feel alive, is when I'm doing something that might kill me" and the honest to God answer is because your feeling. Adrenaline, but its still a feeling. Feelings make us human. We are here to feel things. To hurt, to love, to feel joy and pain and loss and accomplishment and excitement. Fear is a waste of emotions. Stupid fear. I hate you, fear. You have wrecked a lot for me. Stupid insecurity. Why do I allow you to control my life. Why fear anything. Whats the point. Everything is temporary anyways.

Third. Whats the deal with being mean to people you don't know. Why be mean to people you do know? Use your blinker when you drive. Don't honk when someone is driving a little slow. They might be new to the area. If you're going to be late, leave earlier next time. Why be dishonest? Why lie to someone? What good is that going to do? Absolutely none. Why destruct someone? Why say mean things over the internet or over text or even face to face. Why give your unnecessary opinion of someone else? Like what makes you think that you are so special that you feel like just because you don't like someone, for whatever reason, you get to torment them? and on that note, kids that get pushed around, why the heck do we allow those jerks to decide how we look at ourselves? And followers of bullies. Why on earth does it matter what that guy says? Why do they get to influence your perspective on someone else? Like what the heck is up with that.

Fourth. Why talk about things you don't know about, and if you do know about it, why not defend or further explain the situation? Especially if you watched that someone grow up, why would you just assume that they abandoned their upbringing and just ran off and did some dishonest and ugly things? Why dose everyone just assume that if y'all are dating, you've slept together? Especially if you helped raise this kid and you know that they have a different set of morals than that? If you have questions, why not ask the source directly? Why make assumptions and use the rumor mill as a reliable source? 

Fifth. Guys. Time is so precious. I can tell you right now, that you should never take a second for granted. Don't be too proud to hug or kiss someone good bye. Don't go to bed upset. Don't waste time upset over little things Don't look for problems. Don't waste time dancing around how you feel. I mean, just think. This could be the very last hour of minutes you get with someone. So why. Why the heck are you fighting over something that doesn't matter? Reconnect with old friends. If you are thinking about them, check up on them. It sucks to feel forgotten.

Sixth. Honestly this should be first because it is so so so important. Everyone has a love language. Learn it, and learn to speak it. Find a way. Because feeling unloved is the worst feeling, especially when you know you are loved. Maybe that kids needs a fist bump or a hug. Maybe tell them they did an amazing job, take them out for lunch, do something for them, even if its small. Maybe bring them a little gift. Don't neglect speaking love. because even if its not their first language, its still love. Please. Please don't let anyone in your life, to go without feeling loved. Love is so so important. Don't just preach it. Live it. Fight in love, speak in love. Please, do not let anger win. Don't let hate win. Don't let fear win. Love conquers all. So let it. 

Seventh. FORGIVE. Ask forgiveness. Holy heck just stop being so dang right and just learn to let it go. Forgive yourself. You're human. Why hold a grudge against a friend? Why drag up whats already over? Why be rude and ugly because of something that is SO OVER. Forgiveness is not public. Its a state of being. Kinda. Like I can honestly say that I have forgiven so many people that have no idea. But you know what, if they come to me, I wont be rude. I wont hold it against them. Just open your arms and allow beauty to grow. Allow fights to be memories you look back on. Seriously just put down your pride. Maybe admit you were wrong, apologize, and mean it. Don't let so much ugly build inside of your heart. Its cancer and you're promoting its growth in your body. Why. How is that adding more beauty and happiness to your own life? Sometimes, saying sorry isn't enough, but its always a good place to start. Don't make your apology meaningless. Don't let "sorry" be all you do. If you say it, live it. Don't cling to anger and grudges. They are not life savers, they will drown you. 

Thats all.