I'm Still Good (life Update)

I know I have been promising a blog, I've been on three or four photo shoots for said blog, and still... no blog. Why? Well because recently I have been blogging in the passion of an emotional breakdown. I have had a very long three months. Although I am not sure how long it will last, at this very moment, I am not overly emotional so I will now present to you: My Inner Thoughts

Alrighty ladies and gentlemen. I live in Oregon now, and it only took me a month and a half to finally publicly say it hah. So many crazy, and wonderful, and horrible things have happened. They say that life is a roller coaster, and let me tell you. My DAYS have been roller coasters. My poor parents have to deal with me laughing and smiling one minute, crying because something is so beautiful the next, and two seconds later being angry and crying in frustration. I've been working lots, trying to plan trips to see my man when hes on leave for Christmas, and entirely too deep in my own thoughts. 

Life can be really discouraging. Especially when you have to move back home after a year of being on your own, its also a huge adjustment. I am independent. I always have been. Have I always been successfully independent? No. I have gotten myself in a lit of sticky situations, thinking I need no help and I can accomplish anything by myself. I spent the past year, not needing to tell anyone where I was going. I didn't have to share counter space or a kitchen, or get anything done on anyone's clock but mine. I knew when rent was due, had my alarms set for work every night, cooked all of my own food, and I was alone. Like, all alone, unless I actively decided to go spend time with the Wisors. So imagine my shock when all of a sudden, I never had alone time, my brother was mad at me for having my makeup bag on the counter, dishes needed done before bed or work, and its all of a sudden important for me to be home at specific times. 

Holy cow, I miss feeling alone! Of course, I love being home. My mom and I completely remodeled our house yesterday, all by ourselves. Moving furniture, thinking of places to put new furniture. Its fun! I love having my parents here to comfort me if I'm having a hard day, or I just need someone to talk to. Its just really weird to never really have alone time. Its such a huge adjustment. I really didn't think it would be a big deal, but I forgot how crazy life is when you live with other people, and I guess I was just used to it, after 18 years! 

Of course, heartbreak has struck. 

Its crazy to me how life just continues on. Taylor Swift comes out with new Christmas songs, the snicker-doodles you make for your moms craft bazaar still burn, and the sun still comes up every morning. Work still wants you to be on time, kids still need you to play with them, dogs and cats still need fed, even as everything just stops. Its so so easy to slip into a feeling of hopelessness. I've already talked about how strange it is to be back in my home, but its also so discouraging. I feel like I launched, and failed, and now I need to come back and be worked on a little more, because I just wasn't good enough the first time. And I find myself working all day, worrying about time off requests, shifting everything so things don't overlap and it all fits. Being happy and excited when I am supposed to, finding time to allow myself to feel a little tired, marching on when I want to give up, and the year has only begun. 

I've set goals as to where I want to be a year from now, but a year is so far away, its hard to stay focused and optimistic. I feel like all of my progress is so small, it couldn't possibly make a difference. Discouraged. I pretty much just feel discouraged. I blast some Hannah Montana and get some laundry done. Get some dishes washed, clean my room up a little, trying to find ways to minimize, and I look up and the day is over. I miss Spokane, which is nothing against Wallowa county, because I miss Wallowa County when I am in Spokane. I miss Jack, and Lisa, and Mike. I miss Sue and Bruce. I miss my little church full of little kids I got to teach and play with on Sundays, I miss the people who helped out with Tuesday morning breakfast, and I miss the people we served.

But I love being able to play every day, with little guys in the after school program I work with. I love being the one they talk to about their day, the one they tease about dating Captain America, the one who's craft they laugh at (I have no artistic ability) and the one they feel like they can come to. I love laughing with the girls at the coffee shop, I love learning new things (including latte art!!!) and having girls my age to connect with, and I love. Absolutely love, being a cheer coach. Yep, its unpaid and very very part time because my after school job goes right over the top of practice, so I get maybe the last half hour, but I love working out with the girls, working with them on sharpness and laughing with them about drama. Its so heckin fun. So yeah, my days are packed, I'm tired and a little homesick for Spokane, but I know things aren't all bad here, and they have actually turned out pretty awesome.

Life is a day to day, day by day, trying to love the place I'm in and keep my mind in the present and hope in the future. Sometimes I wonder what God has in mind for me, sometimes I wonder if I'm the one growing, or if I'm here for someone else, or if its a combination of everything. Who will I be? Who am I becoming? Why does it all have to be a mystery????? Will I move back to Spokane? Or will life want me somewhere else? If so, where else? Will things ever settle own and have normal rhythm or is everything always unpredictable and a little scary?

Oh yeah.... and on a completely unrelated note yet a quite fantastic one... I went to my first ever NFL game.... and the Seahawks won!!!! WOOOOOHHHHH GO HAWKS

This is a hopeful Georgia, looking to grow, signing off to go do some dishes. I hope your season is Merry and Bright!!!!