Who am I When No One is Watching?

Do ya'll remember me asking this at the end of all my blogs? Yeah. Wow I was like. 16. That's crazy. I'm 20 now. Oh, and I have blue in my dark short hair. I love it, I feel very me. I love my light hair, and it will return to its natural color and it will grow longer. I will look normal by the time I get married. This was just a fun switch up for me! So. Let me show you a picture and lets get into it!!

Okay, so. Who am I when no one is looking?

I love Jesus. I love reading the Bible. I love traveling to do good for Him. I love listening to worship music. I love listening to music in general. If I'm in the kitchen, there is a dance party going on. Like, Hannah Montana cranked to the max in my headphones, dancing around while I do the dishes. Or my birthday playlist, which is actually just a bunch of songs with the word "birthday" in the title, that I made to listen to in the coffee shop on my birthday. The coffee shop is also a dance party when I am there. I just love dancing. I love the way it feels to convert how music makes me feel, into actions and movements. I love how freeing it is. What a great way to relax and destress.

I also love to sing. I love singing. I can't sing to save my life, but I will often pause songs to see if I can sing that part or hit those notes. I love writing music. I love writing.

OH. COMMUNITY SERVICE. I love community service. Ugh, I forgot how long its been! I used to do those breakfast every Tuesday mornings,  my church in Spokane put t on, and I would volunteer every week. I loved seeing the regulars, and meeting new people. I loved that they knew my name.

Okay well those are all things I do... but who am I? (this is a fun exercise for me)

I care. A lot. I think I care too much sometimes, and things that shouldn't break my heart, do. I'm sensitive in that regard, as well. I just care. I don't want people to hurt. I want to make everyone smile and laugh and maybe feel ok, even if its just for a second. Maybe thats why I am always such a weirdo. Dancing like a dope in the coffee shop, high energy, laughing, always smiling.

I'm also loyal. Insanely loyal, to my friends, my family, the people I love. Even the people I don't know. I try to be kind to everyone, but I know I mess that up sometimes. I also try to be patient, but I also tend to want to know everything RIGHT NOW so we can figure it out and I don't have to think about it anymore.

I'm 20 and I still struggle with self confidence. I try really hard to be chill and ok, but I also tend to always feel my emotions intensely, meaning I feel hurt, and anger, and pain, and joy, and laughter. Its all at full volume, which is a lot on my little brain. Its a lot on the people around me. I try to put others before myself, I try to stick true to how I feel or what I think, or what I write, but I am not awesome at taking constructive criticism, and I often feel like I'm being told that I am wrong, or stupid, or that my biggest supporters don't like what I am doing.

BUT. On a positive note, I will always be the most fun person. I will sing in the car, I will dance in the car, I will laugh at your jokes with you, I will do my best to make you feel good, and even though I am a lot, a lot of the time, I can tell when to tone it back and be quiet with you. 

I love dancing. I know I have said this like a million times but I love it. I can't talk without dancing. I can't write without dancing. I don't even notice that I am dancing, it just happens. I will probably hitting the woah and doing the dougie while I say my vows. I can already see my moms look, and Billy laughing wile trying to be serious. Will I even be able to say my vows without quoting song lyrics?

I over think! I just remembered that, as I sat and wondered if I should write my vows, and then practice saying them in the mirror without moving. We don't even have a date set. Maybe I'm actually just crazy. All the time, people watching or not.

I honestly think I am pretty much the same person, all the time. Except I don't think I would be ok with people seeing me in my sweatsuit. So I guess I dress nicer in public. Either way, my jokes are still lame to everyone but me, my dance moves look like spasms, and sentences are interrupted by my other thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I know I am awesome. I dance awesome, and my jokes are really funny, you just have to understand me.

Anyways!! I love seeing comments from you guys. My blog is my creative safe space and I love sharing my thoughts and my heart with you. Please share my blog! Leave a comment so I know you were here. I love you guys, all of you. Each time you open my blog, you are helping me achieve my goals.

Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning.

A large act of cleaning, usually met with an obligatory feeling, because all your neighbors are.

But "spring cleaning" has always meant so much more to me.

Spring. What a wonderful time to take off our heavy sweater, and uncover our skin. To open windows and give homes a breath of fresh air. Spring, early spring, is usually calving season. A time of birth.  The heavy winter snow melts away, life slowly emerges from the dirt, and the air smells fresher than it has ever. Cars emerge from car washes, making the streets sparkle, and the sun warms the air, later into the day, giving extra time to soak in its rays.

Not to mention, its my birthday. (Yay me. Thank you, mom)

This year, spring cleaning was especially important and meaningful to me. As most of you know by now, I am engaged to my best friend, William (Billy) Wisor. However, I also turned 20 this year, AND the rest of the world is also celebrating a new decade. What better time to pause and clean?

In Chile (Check out my last blog to read about it, I'll link at the end), I learned so much about who I am as a person, and also about what role I want to play in the kingdom of God, that in itself was refreshing, and an awesome kick start to the changes I am planning to see, in my own life. I always have such a hard time in the winters. My heart grows heavy, my body aches for the sunshine, and my bones hurt from lack of heat. I'm like a lizard, I guess. My body shuts down in the cold, and I need to sit under a hot lamp to reach full energy and mobility.

Spring is always an amazing time for me. Not only is my physical body, exploding with happiness, my mental state is alive with anticipation. Summer is coming. Endless nights, lake days. Oh, the HOURS of laughter with my brother, yard camping. High energy at work... All of my favorite things (possibly including a trip to see my love!!) But spring, spring is the starting line, before the race. Spring is shaking off the snow, and welcoming another adventure around the sun. Spring showers wash away the salt on the roads, and spring sunshine washes away the burden that winter lays on me.

This year, I went a little crazy. I feel justified, though. Seeing as I, myself, am starting a new decade, I am getting married soon, and I have a fresh outlook and direction. I got rid of pretty much all of my clothing. Like, donated all of it. I had four shirts in my closet. It didn't fit, didn't feel right, and the rest of it, I knew probably wouldn't fit by next winter (or I just didn't like it anymore) and guys, let me tell you.

Ok I spent like, $60 and I redid my entire wardrobe. Hello thrift shopping!! Seriously, go thrift shopping, especially if you're my age (or size). Most people that thrift shop, are looking for clothes for kids younger, or older than us. So we have tons of really awesome options! (especially because our moms donate the clothes we don't take to college, so we have lots of options. Not everyone wares the same styles or clothes, so there is usually a good variety.)  Plus, if you don't like it, you can donate it back and you're out, 25 cents. No return hassles, you don't have to keep receipts, and you will probably find a quarter on the ground somewhere soon. I also love the look of shock on people's faces when they ask me where I got my outfit, and  I tell them I got the whole thing for a dollar. To add a few statement pieces, find a nicer store having a sale. I was lucky enough to stumble across a Macy's that was closing, and everything was like, 80-90% off. I got a vest, a really heckin cute tee, and a really nice purse!! Little pieces that make me feel really confident when I wear them.

I also love to change my hair. Outward appearance is the best way to show a change, quickly. Plus, it feels fresh and fun! I try to avoid looking in the mirror too much, because I can leave my house feeling good, until I catch my reflection, and I don't look how I remembered and I feel discouraged and ugly for the rest of the day, so its always fun for me to get the peaks in the morning while I do my makeup, and see a new person smiling at me!

Remember though, outward appearance is not what is most important. Its a fun accessory to match your awesome personality. I always strive to be more kind, to laugh easier, and stress less. Spring is also a time for me to refresh my heart, and check where I am at. Sometimes, I can get really down on myself, and that bleeds into how I interact with others. I am also perceived as the girl that is always awake and happy and excited, so I feel like its important for me to always put on that front, especially when I know that the people around me, need me to be a little bit of sunshine in their day. Spring is a wonderful time for me to take a moment and relax. Cleaning is relaxing for me, and its always refreshing for my mind to be able to look around me and see order in my physical life, giving me peace on the inside of my heart.

I love to have clean, and empty space. I don't like clutter. I am not a fan of having stuff, just to have stuff. Pretty much everything I own has more of a purpose. I know that everyone is different, I just think it feels really good to walk into a mostly empty room, with just a few items that are needed. Its easier to keep clean, easier to organize, less to dust, and I feel like it allows a space to really breathe, and I love love space that breathes.

Spring cleaning for me, has always felt like as I threw open windows, I was opening my arms; letting myself out of the entrapment I have been stuck in all winter. I love spring. I love spring cleaning, and all that it can mean. I love how randomly beautiful life is. I pray that this spring season, we can all find peace in the midst of the is corona virus, and enjoy the world blooming around us. Stay clean, hydrated, and a healthy distance away. Don't forget to share the toilet paper, and above all, BE KIND to your neighbors and those struggling around you. Spring is a wonderful time. Maybe today is an awesome chance for you to open your windows, invite some brisk air in, and kick the stale air of winter, out!

With love,
Georgia

CHILE BLOG: http://justgeorgetta.blogspot.com/2020/03/party-in-potato-field.html

Party in a Potato Field

Wow, it took me a month to finally get this post together haha.

When I was 15, and I chose Jesus, I was told that throughout my life, scales would fall from my eyes at different points in my walk, and it would be like meeting Jesus, over and over again.

I was so scared about coming on this trip. I was scared I wasn’t physically strong enough to do the manual labor. I was scared I wouldn’t be wise enough or mature enough in my faith. And what if something happened? What if I somehow slowed the group? Or became a handicap? One bit of flour could have me throwing up for the next 24 hours.

Not to mention, my mind was heavy with questions pertaining to my own life, that had nothing to do with this mission. As the day of departure got closer and closer, I felt more and more scared. I was good with kids, but really, what did I have to offer? I was with people who had real skills. Like, building fences and powerful testimonies and carpentry skills and medical skills. I was just Georgia. Could I dig potatoes? Heck yeah. Was I really awesome with kids? Also yes. Other than that? I wasn't really sure. 

And then. We found out there were no kids on this island. That night, I lay in bed and just asked God. Why. Why am I here? Why did you drag me across the world? I’m not even good at anything. Can you imagine? My mom and I had prayed together that I could break the language barrier to minister to kids, and that He would let me be a tool to show His glory to the kids... and there were none. I felt like my whole ministry had been completely striked. What the heck was I doing?  

Well God answered that, and a million other prayers I didn’t even know I was praying. I gave my very first devotional during this trip, and it was like God was using me to talk to myself. Telling me I was chosen. Loved. Worthy. Redeemed. Forgiven. A true child of God, and therefore, absolutely not what this world said. God completely revealed Himself to me, through my words, and also through everyone around me. 

Even during down time, and not doing mission work, God spoke to me through two women. Joyce and Michelle. The two American women that came on this trip with me. I wanted to follow them, wherever they went. I got to go on one or two medical calls with them, and a few different walks. They shared with me, not only about what they had personally been through, but also wisdom pertaining to my life's situations and my impending marriage. 

I was so worried that God wouldn’t use me to to change someone else’s life, that I forgot he might be using this opportunity, to change mine. For the first time in a really long time, I couldn’t distract myself with friends or Instagram or even just laughing with my little brother.

The devil worked hard on me, highlighting all my flaws, mocking me for my joy, making me feel stupid and insignificant making me question if I heard God right and I was supposed to be here. Thinking about it now, it was like a spiritual workout. The devil was resistant, or my weight, and Jesus was my strength, helping me lift it. Over and over until the pathetic little lies I was being fed, hardly felt like anything in my hands.

Scales fell. This strong confidence grew in my core. God gave me so many opportunities to prove to myself that I was more than physically capable of the manual work. He showed me that what I said had an impact. Honestly. God walked into my heart and opened my eyes.

I woke up every morning, with joy in my heart and an eagerness to get to work. Every day was a brand new adventure. Miles and miles away from my mom and everything I knew, completely unable to connect with them, and God gave me the greatest connection of my life.

So. What is this profound change I claim to have experienced in my life.

Confidence.

It sounds so simple. It sounds so easy. Right? I’m not talking about confidence when I look in the mirror.

I’m not afraid of not being enough. I’m not afraid that this mission didn’t affect me the way others might have wanted it to. I’m not worried that I didn’t change in the right way. I’m not worried that I’m too small for changing the world I know who I am. I KNOW who I am. I know who the Lord of my life is, and I’m not worried about not being good enough anymore. I know the path that God has set me on, and I’m confident in it.

Jesus gave me this life, filled with everything it’s contained, good and bad. All of it a blessing because it’s built me into the woman I am today, and I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. Which, for those of you who have followed my blog for a while, you know that I have been working towards that for a REALLY long time. 

So how will this work continue for me? I might not be digging acres of potatoes, or splitting wood, or walking miles daily to bring a sick woman some soup, but I want to start a young woman’s bible study, and talk about my life. How God has changed me and worked in me. I want to empower other young women to not look in the mirror with eyes of the world, but look in the mirror with God's eyes. To see their redeemed beauty, made strong by the Lord.

I want to make every day, the best day of my life, and I want to continue to boldly share that love that has given me the best day of my life, for 6,988 days in a row now. (That's 19 years and 51 days)

I laughed so much on this mission. I laughed at myself, I laughed with my team, I laughed with people whose language I didn't understand. I became friends with strangers, shared excitement over things I had never heard of, cried with my brothers and sisters, consumed with love. I learned to surrender to Jesus and I know the power of His name. 

It is real. I have seen it, and it lives within me. It’s undeniable. It’s beautiful, and it’s powerful. It’s Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit. And God, our father. I will leave you today with a bible verse that Marcelo, the youth pastor from Quilpue, left me with.

1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Now for the more fun part of this blog....