Party in a Potato Field

Wow, it took me a month to finally get this post together haha.

When I was 15, and I chose Jesus, I was told that throughout my life, scales would fall from my eyes at different points in my walk, and it would be like meeting Jesus, over and over again.

I was so scared about coming on this trip. I was scared I wasn’t physically strong enough to do the manual labor. I was scared I wouldn’t be wise enough or mature enough in my faith. And what if something happened? What if I somehow slowed the group? Or became a handicap? One bit of flour could have me throwing up for the next 24 hours.

Not to mention, my mind was heavy with questions pertaining to my own life, that had nothing to do with this mission. As the day of departure got closer and closer, I felt more and more scared. I was good with kids, but really, what did I have to offer? I was with people who had real skills. Like, building fences and powerful testimonies and carpentry skills and medical skills. I was just Georgia. Could I dig potatoes? Heck yeah. Was I really awesome with kids? Also yes. Other than that? I wasn't really sure. 

And then. We found out there were no kids on this island. That night, I lay in bed and just asked God. Why. Why am I here? Why did you drag me across the world? I’m not even good at anything. Can you imagine? My mom and I had prayed together that I could break the language barrier to minister to kids, and that He would let me be a tool to show His glory to the kids... and there were none. I felt like my whole ministry had been completely striked. What the heck was I doing?  

Well God answered that, and a million other prayers I didn’t even know I was praying. I gave my very first devotional during this trip, and it was like God was using me to talk to myself. Telling me I was chosen. Loved. Worthy. Redeemed. Forgiven. A true child of God, and therefore, absolutely not what this world said. God completely revealed Himself to me, through my words, and also through everyone around me. 

Even during down time, and not doing mission work, God spoke to me through two women. Joyce and Michelle. The two American women that came on this trip with me. I wanted to follow them, wherever they went. I got to go on one or two medical calls with them, and a few different walks. They shared with me, not only about what they had personally been through, but also wisdom pertaining to my life's situations and my impending marriage. 

I was so worried that God wouldn’t use me to to change someone else’s life, that I forgot he might be using this opportunity, to change mine. For the first time in a really long time, I couldn’t distract myself with friends or Instagram or even just laughing with my little brother.

The devil worked hard on me, highlighting all my flaws, mocking me for my joy, making me feel stupid and insignificant making me question if I heard God right and I was supposed to be here. Thinking about it now, it was like a spiritual workout. The devil was resistant, or my weight, and Jesus was my strength, helping me lift it. Over and over until the pathetic little lies I was being fed, hardly felt like anything in my hands.

Scales fell. This strong confidence grew in my core. God gave me so many opportunities to prove to myself that I was more than physically capable of the manual work. He showed me that what I said had an impact. Honestly. God walked into my heart and opened my eyes.

I woke up every morning, with joy in my heart and an eagerness to get to work. Every day was a brand new adventure. Miles and miles away from my mom and everything I knew, completely unable to connect with them, and God gave me the greatest connection of my life.

So. What is this profound change I claim to have experienced in my life.

Confidence.

It sounds so simple. It sounds so easy. Right? I’m not talking about confidence when I look in the mirror.

I’m not afraid of not being enough. I’m not afraid that this mission didn’t affect me the way others might have wanted it to. I’m not worried that I didn’t change in the right way. I’m not worried that I’m too small for changing the world I know who I am. I KNOW who I am. I know who the Lord of my life is, and I’m not worried about not being good enough anymore. I know the path that God has set me on, and I’m confident in it.

Jesus gave me this life, filled with everything it’s contained, good and bad. All of it a blessing because it’s built me into the woman I am today, and I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. Which, for those of you who have followed my blog for a while, you know that I have been working towards that for a REALLY long time. 

So how will this work continue for me? I might not be digging acres of potatoes, or splitting wood, or walking miles daily to bring a sick woman some soup, but I want to start a young woman’s bible study, and talk about my life. How God has changed me and worked in me. I want to empower other young women to not look in the mirror with eyes of the world, but look in the mirror with God's eyes. To see their redeemed beauty, made strong by the Lord.

I want to make every day, the best day of my life, and I want to continue to boldly share that love that has given me the best day of my life, for 6,988 days in a row now. (That's 19 years and 51 days)

I laughed so much on this mission. I laughed at myself, I laughed with my team, I laughed with people whose language I didn't understand. I became friends with strangers, shared excitement over things I had never heard of, cried with my brothers and sisters, consumed with love. I learned to surrender to Jesus and I know the power of His name. 

It is real. I have seen it, and it lives within me. It’s undeniable. It’s beautiful, and it’s powerful. It’s Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit. And God, our father. I will leave you today with a bible verse that Marcelo, the youth pastor from Quilpue, left me with.

1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Now for the more fun part of this blog....