Who am I When No One is Watching?

Do ya'll remember me asking this at the end of all my blogs? Yeah. Wow I was like. 16. That's crazy. I'm 20 now. Oh, and I have blue in my dark short hair. I love it, I feel very me. I love my light hair, and it will return to its natural color and it will grow longer. I will look normal by the time I get married. This was just a fun switch up for me! So. Let me show you a picture and lets get into it!!

Okay, so. Who am I when no one is looking?

I love Jesus. I love reading the Bible. I love traveling to do good for Him. I love listening to worship music. I love listening to music in general. If I'm in the kitchen, there is a dance party going on. Like, Hannah Montana cranked to the max in my headphones, dancing around while I do the dishes. Or my birthday playlist, which is actually just a bunch of songs with the word "birthday" in the title, that I made to listen to in the coffee shop on my birthday. The coffee shop is also a dance party when I am there. I just love dancing. I love the way it feels to convert how music makes me feel, into actions and movements. I love how freeing it is. What a great way to relax and destress.

I also love to sing. I love singing. I can't sing to save my life, but I will often pause songs to see if I can sing that part or hit those notes. I love writing music. I love writing.

OH. COMMUNITY SERVICE. I love community service. Ugh, I forgot how long its been! I used to do those breakfast every Tuesday mornings,  my church in Spokane put t on, and I would volunteer every week. I loved seeing the regulars, and meeting new people. I loved that they knew my name.

Okay well those are all things I do... but who am I? (this is a fun exercise for me)

I care. A lot. I think I care too much sometimes, and things that shouldn't break my heart, do. I'm sensitive in that regard, as well. I just care. I don't want people to hurt. I want to make everyone smile and laugh and maybe feel ok, even if its just for a second. Maybe thats why I am always such a weirdo. Dancing like a dope in the coffee shop, high energy, laughing, always smiling.

I'm also loyal. Insanely loyal, to my friends, my family, the people I love. Even the people I don't know. I try to be kind to everyone, but I know I mess that up sometimes. I also try to be patient, but I also tend to want to know everything RIGHT NOW so we can figure it out and I don't have to think about it anymore.

I'm 20 and I still struggle with self confidence. I try really hard to be chill and ok, but I also tend to always feel my emotions intensely, meaning I feel hurt, and anger, and pain, and joy, and laughter. Its all at full volume, which is a lot on my little brain. Its a lot on the people around me. I try to put others before myself, I try to stick true to how I feel or what I think, or what I write, but I am not awesome at taking constructive criticism, and I often feel like I'm being told that I am wrong, or stupid, or that my biggest supporters don't like what I am doing.

BUT. On a positive note, I will always be the most fun person. I will sing in the car, I will dance in the car, I will laugh at your jokes with you, I will do my best to make you feel good, and even though I am a lot, a lot of the time, I can tell when to tone it back and be quiet with you. 

I love dancing. I know I have said this like a million times but I love it. I can't talk without dancing. I can't write without dancing. I don't even notice that I am dancing, it just happens. I will probably hitting the woah and doing the dougie while I say my vows. I can already see my moms look, and Billy laughing wile trying to be serious. Will I even be able to say my vows without quoting song lyrics?

I over think! I just remembered that, as I sat and wondered if I should write my vows, and then practice saying them in the mirror without moving. We don't even have a date set. Maybe I'm actually just crazy. All the time, people watching or not.

I honestly think I am pretty much the same person, all the time. Except I don't think I would be ok with people seeing me in my sweatsuit. So I guess I dress nicer in public. Either way, my jokes are still lame to everyone but me, my dance moves look like spasms, and sentences are interrupted by my other thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I know I am awesome. I dance awesome, and my jokes are really funny, you just have to understand me.

Anyways!! I love seeing comments from you guys. My blog is my creative safe space and I love sharing my thoughts and my heart with you. Please share my blog! Leave a comment so I know you were here. I love you guys, all of you. Each time you open my blog, you are helping me achieve my goals.