Butterfly

 The world around me is shifting and growing so magically, I can’t even imagine how it looks for Delilah. 

I’m sitting in my Florida room, light streaming in through the windows, Delilah enchanted by the shadows. I’m supposed to be working on my CDA but I’m caught up in emotion, watching my life change and grow. Besides, how can anybody focus with a two and a half month old grinning next to you? 

I love hearing her little coos, watching the wonder and amazement in her eyes as she realizes that she has feet, that her fingers taste good (I assume?) that light is pretty, and figuring out how to move her little body the way she wants. I know she won’t remember these moments, but maybe someday her life will shimmer with magic and it will be the residue of days like this. 

Sometimes I look around and I think I kinda know how she feels, watching the world unfold in front of my eyes. How is it real that I’m a mom? I have a whole family. Daddy, baby and me. We have a home that we are working on. It’s been HARD. I knew it would be, and I was so afraid of that hard. Now I’m in it though and I realize that it only has to be hard, one thing at a time. That’s another blog though. 

This blog is about how worth it that hard is, even if I can only see it for small moments at a time right now. How magical it is that is butterfly season and that seems to represent so much of my life right now. Each stage is different, and beautiful and bazaar. How is it real that a caterpillar can become a beautiful little chrysalis, which eventually dissolves and out emerges a huge butterfly. How do butterfly’s even fit in there? 

How is it real that this is where I am? Who else remembers that just a few years ago, I had braces and I wore my class ring everywhere and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go to Portland or Spokane for college?? Now I live in Florida with my husband and our daughter. My daughter who is trying so hard to laugh, that she snorts. Who’s got little abs from trying to sit up so much. Who’s got this tiny perfect little nose, and cheeks that are addicting to kiss and chunky little legs I love to squeeze. 

Everybody told me “don't blink” because I’ll miss it, and I can’t believe how true that is. It all changes so fast, two months ago Delilah couldn’t hold her head up and slept all the time. On the other hand, how could anybody blink? There are too many incredible, beautiful things to see, I don’t want to waste a second with my eyes shut. I used to have a hard time taking naps because I was so excited to be awake, I remember playing around in my room when I was supposed to be napping, but how could I sleep with the whole world out there? I feel very similar now. Who knew that everything in life could change, and yet things would still be the same.