Exodus

 This deployment, I feel like the theme has been “Exodus”. The book from the Bible? It’s about the great exit from Egypt, Moses took Gods people to freedom but first there were all the plagues and hardening of hearts. 

Well the theme of this deployment has also been change. So much change. Never ending change, and that’s okay! I’m good with change. That’s what makes me a fitting military wife. Change is where I thrive! One of the biggest changes we’ve made (one of two pretty major changes) was buying a house. Oddly enough, this is where I felt Exodus the most. 

10 times, God told Moses to talk to Pharaoh. 9 times, God hardened pharaohs heart. Imagine how frustrating that would be. God told Moses each time, it seemed like everything was lining up, things were going to work, and then God said no. 

I looked at pretty much every available house in my price range, in Jacksonville, Fl. I went to some pretty bad areas of town (not realizing it) hunting for this home. So many times, things lined up. I mean they lined up perfectly. Billy was able to talk, it was a good house in a great neighborhood, the right distance from both our jobs… it felt like God gave us the green light  I’d get so excited, and then God would tell me no. It was frustrating and discouraging. I cried a lot, I felt really hopeless and confused. I wonder how Moses felt. 

My side of things is clearly a lot easier to swallow than what Moses went through. I wasn’t abandoned by my birth mom, sent down a river, raised by the enemy, only to be rejected by my true family. I did raise sheep, but I also felt insanely inadequate to be the one to find us a house, and since Billy was gone, I didn’t even have an Aaron to help me out. 

I wonder if Moses felt confused and angry that God had asked him to do this thing he didn’t even want to do, only for God to shut the door in his face over and over. Of course, we all know how the story ends. The waters part and Moses leads the people to the promise land. I guess I’m just amazed at the faith Moses had. He didn’t even have the Holy Spirit living IN him at that time. I think I might get in my own way, wondering if I really had heard the voice of God. Yet, Moses persisted. He left for a few days to go up the mount and the people he freed from slavery and false gods, went back to their old ways and built a gold shrine. 

I’d be so frustrated I’d turn blue in the face. The Bible never tells us how Moses felt about this stuff, other than some mentions of anger and inadequacy (he had a speech impediment). I just wonder. It’s easy for me to forget how human the people from the Bible are. 

Just something I’m thinking about.