I'm Still Good (life Update)

I know I have been promising a blog, I've been on three or four photo shoots for said blog, and still... no blog. Why? Well because recently I have been blogging in the passion of an emotional breakdown. I have had a very long three months. Although I am not sure how long it will last, at this very moment, I am not overly emotional so I will now present to you: My Inner Thoughts

Alrighty ladies and gentlemen. I live in Oregon now, and it only took me a month and a half to finally publicly say it hah. So many crazy, and wonderful, and horrible things have happened. They say that life is a roller coaster, and let me tell you. My DAYS have been roller coasters. My poor parents have to deal with me laughing and smiling one minute, crying because something is so beautiful the next, and two seconds later being angry and crying in frustration. I've been working lots, trying to plan trips to see my man when hes on leave for Christmas, and entirely too deep in my own thoughts. 

Life can be really discouraging. Especially when you have to move back home after a year of being on your own, its also a huge adjustment. I am independent. I always have been. Have I always been successfully independent? No. I have gotten myself in a lit of sticky situations, thinking I need no help and I can accomplish anything by myself. I spent the past year, not needing to tell anyone where I was going. I didn't have to share counter space or a kitchen, or get anything done on anyone's clock but mine. I knew when rent was due, had my alarms set for work every night, cooked all of my own food, and I was alone. Like, all alone, unless I actively decided to go spend time with the Wisors. So imagine my shock when all of a sudden, I never had alone time, my brother was mad at me for having my makeup bag on the counter, dishes needed done before bed or work, and its all of a sudden important for me to be home at specific times. 

Holy cow, I miss feeling alone! Of course, I love being home. My mom and I completely remodeled our house yesterday, all by ourselves. Moving furniture, thinking of places to put new furniture. Its fun! I love having my parents here to comfort me if I'm having a hard day, or I just need someone to talk to. Its just really weird to never really have alone time. Its such a huge adjustment. I really didn't think it would be a big deal, but I forgot how crazy life is when you live with other people, and I guess I was just used to it, after 18 years! 

Of course, heartbreak has struck. 

Its crazy to me how life just continues on. Taylor Swift comes out with new Christmas songs, the snicker-doodles you make for your moms craft bazaar still burn, and the sun still comes up every morning. Work still wants you to be on time, kids still need you to play with them, dogs and cats still need fed, even as everything just stops. Its so so easy to slip into a feeling of hopelessness. I've already talked about how strange it is to be back in my home, but its also so discouraging. I feel like I launched, and failed, and now I need to come back and be worked on a little more, because I just wasn't good enough the first time. And I find myself working all day, worrying about time off requests, shifting everything so things don't overlap and it all fits. Being happy and excited when I am supposed to, finding time to allow myself to feel a little tired, marching on when I want to give up, and the year has only begun. 

I've set goals as to where I want to be a year from now, but a year is so far away, its hard to stay focused and optimistic. I feel like all of my progress is so small, it couldn't possibly make a difference. Discouraged. I pretty much just feel discouraged. I blast some Hannah Montana and get some laundry done. Get some dishes washed, clean my room up a little, trying to find ways to minimize, and I look up and the day is over. I miss Spokane, which is nothing against Wallowa county, because I miss Wallowa County when I am in Spokane. I miss Jack, and Lisa, and Mike. I miss Sue and Bruce. I miss my little church full of little kids I got to teach and play with on Sundays, I miss the people who helped out with Tuesday morning breakfast, and I miss the people we served.

But I love being able to play every day, with little guys in the after school program I work with. I love being the one they talk to about their day, the one they tease about dating Captain America, the one who's craft they laugh at (I have no artistic ability) and the one they feel like they can come to. I love laughing with the girls at the coffee shop, I love learning new things (including latte art!!!) and having girls my age to connect with, and I love. Absolutely love, being a cheer coach. Yep, its unpaid and very very part time because my after school job goes right over the top of practice, so I get maybe the last half hour, but I love working out with the girls, working with them on sharpness and laughing with them about drama. Its so heckin fun. So yeah, my days are packed, I'm tired and a little homesick for Spokane, but I know things aren't all bad here, and they have actually turned out pretty awesome.

Life is a day to day, day by day, trying to love the place I'm in and keep my mind in the present and hope in the future. Sometimes I wonder what God has in mind for me, sometimes I wonder if I'm the one growing, or if I'm here for someone else, or if its a combination of everything. Who will I be? Who am I becoming? Why does it all have to be a mystery????? Will I move back to Spokane? Or will life want me somewhere else? If so, where else? Will things ever settle own and have normal rhythm or is everything always unpredictable and a little scary?

Oh yeah.... and on a completely unrelated note yet a quite fantastic one... I went to my first ever NFL game.... and the Seahawks won!!!! WOOOOOHHHHH GO HAWKS

This is a hopeful Georgia, looking to grow, signing off to go do some dishes. I hope your season is Merry and Bright!!!! 

7 Things

I sat down at my laptop today, knowing I had something I needed to say. My heart has been heavy for a while now. I can't seem to collect my thoughts. I just know there are a million things I need to say. I honestly don't even know how this blog will turn out and I might take it down later, so if you read it, congrats. You may be one of only a few hah.

First, I want to tell you that time is precious. Its so freaking precious and I feel like I have wasted so much of it. I've had arguments I wish never started, or even just engaged in. There have been nights when I only get a few precious minutes with someone I love and its spent sad, because we only had a few. Moments we choose to argue instead of loving each other, and because of that, I've spent a lot of time scared to reach out to them. I've spent so much time being confused and hurt and scared. So worried about what someone is going to thing, trying not to disappoint, or make choices someone else wouldn't make. Scared to talk to people because I fear rejection. Scared to write a blog because I can already hear phone calls that tell me I'm wrong. 

I've wasted time in the sun, choosing to stay inside because I am tired of always being alone. Choosing to be alone so that I don't have to face the reality that I pretty much am. Spent so much time trying to make it look like things are different than they are so that no one worries, or asks, or maybe reaches out to help because if there is one thing on this earth I fear, its help. Don't waste time hating your best friend because of a little argument. Don't waste time holding anger in your heart for something so stupid. Don't let others rip apart years an years of friendship. Just let your walls down because its so stupid to sit in a lawn chair next to someone who will do anything to make you smile, and still feel alone. 

Second, fear is so stupid. Fear is such an ugly, ugly lie I choose to believe all the time. Fear and insecurity destroy everything. What even is there to be afraid of? Like yeah, hurting sucks, but seriously. I saw a quote on Instagram the other day that was like "why is it that the only time I feel alive, is when I'm doing something that might kill me" and the honest to God answer is because your feeling. Adrenaline, but its still a feeling. Feelings make us human. We are here to feel things. To hurt, to love, to feel joy and pain and loss and accomplishment and excitement. Fear is a waste of emotions. Stupid fear. I hate you, fear. You have wrecked a lot for me. Stupid insecurity. Why do I allow you to control my life. Why fear anything. Whats the point. Everything is temporary anyways.

Third. Whats the deal with being mean to people you don't know. Why be mean to people you do know? Use your blinker when you drive. Don't honk when someone is driving a little slow. They might be new to the area. If you're going to be late, leave earlier next time. Why be dishonest? Why lie to someone? What good is that going to do? Absolutely none. Why destruct someone? Why say mean things over the internet or over text or even face to face. Why give your unnecessary opinion of someone else? Like what makes you think that you are so special that you feel like just because you don't like someone, for whatever reason, you get to torment them? and on that note, kids that get pushed around, why the heck do we allow those jerks to decide how we look at ourselves? And followers of bullies. Why on earth does it matter what that guy says? Why do they get to influence your perspective on someone else? Like what the heck is up with that.

Fourth. Why talk about things you don't know about, and if you do know about it, why not defend or further explain the situation? Especially if you watched that someone grow up, why would you just assume that they abandoned their upbringing and just ran off and did some dishonest and ugly things? Why dose everyone just assume that if y'all are dating, you've slept together? Especially if you helped raise this kid and you know that they have a different set of morals than that? If you have questions, why not ask the source directly? Why make assumptions and use the rumor mill as a reliable source? 

Fifth. Guys. Time is so precious. I can tell you right now, that you should never take a second for granted. Don't be too proud to hug or kiss someone good bye. Don't go to bed upset. Don't waste time upset over little things Don't look for problems. Don't waste time dancing around how you feel. I mean, just think. This could be the very last hour of minutes you get with someone. So why. Why the heck are you fighting over something that doesn't matter? Reconnect with old friends. If you are thinking about them, check up on them. It sucks to feel forgotten.

Sixth. Honestly this should be first because it is so so so important. Everyone has a love language. Learn it, and learn to speak it. Find a way. Because feeling unloved is the worst feeling, especially when you know you are loved. Maybe that kids needs a fist bump or a hug. Maybe tell them they did an amazing job, take them out for lunch, do something for them, even if its small. Maybe bring them a little gift. Don't neglect speaking love. because even if its not their first language, its still love. Please. Please don't let anyone in your life, to go without feeling loved. Love is so so important. Don't just preach it. Live it. Fight in love, speak in love. Please, do not let anger win. Don't let hate win. Don't let fear win. Love conquers all. So let it. 

Seventh. FORGIVE. Ask forgiveness. Holy heck just stop being so dang right and just learn to let it go. Forgive yourself. You're human. Why hold a grudge against a friend? Why drag up whats already over? Why be rude and ugly because of something that is SO OVER. Forgiveness is not public. Its a state of being. Kinda. Like I can honestly say that I have forgiven so many people that have no idea. But you know what, if they come to me, I wont be rude. I wont hold it against them. Just open your arms and allow beauty to grow. Allow fights to be memories you look back on. Seriously just put down your pride. Maybe admit you were wrong, apologize, and mean it. Don't let so much ugly build inside of your heart. Its cancer and you're promoting its growth in your body. Why. How is that adding more beauty and happiness to your own life? Sometimes, saying sorry isn't enough, but its always a good place to start. Don't make your apology meaningless. Don't let "sorry" be all you do. If you say it, live it. Don't cling to anger and grudges. They are not life savers, they will drown you. 

Thats all. 

August 15, 2018, 7:00 AM

I throw my makeup and face wash into a back pack, close my bedroom door, grab my last bag,  and throw into the back of my car. My mom gives me a tight hug and whispers "I love you" in my ear,  Jake snaps a photo of me posing beside my Chevy Malibu, and we jump in the car together. My dad gives us the thumbs up from the truck, and I say goodbye to my house as it fades in my review mirror. 

Yo, I'm actually doing this. Like, it's not just a cute day dream or a plan I've been stressfuly working on for a year. I felt like I should be a little sad. My best friend was sitting in the passenger side of my car. Quietly. I know he was thinking. Change is hard. Growth hurts a little.

I drove to Spokane, already learning new things. Figuring out roads and learning how to trust my own abilities and be more confident in what I know. Roads taking me to my new home, only slightly familiar. Empty roads, soon to be filled with memory after memory. Driving in to  a blank town full of potential. Full of people I hadn't met. Friends, a job, college. The outlines were all there and I just had to color them in. 

Things were so incredibly different back then. That silly girl had a plan. I walked in to my new home, honestly thinking I had it figured out. Over the next year, I would learn over and over that my plans were not always God's plans, and that most the plans I had were going to be adjusted somehow...  that I had missed 90% of the details I thought I had figured out. 

 I ended up leaving school after two semesters, earning an award for my GPA. Which I am
really heckin proud of -- I never actually expected would happen. Me? A good student? Somebody call my poor high school history teacher, haha! 
 I got the opportunity to fall in love with a brand new family. I amtruly blessed that the Wisors so willingly accepted me in to their lives, and have continuously taken care of me and made me feel very loved in my time here in Spokane. I am proud to say that my best friend is 10 and can build an expert level Lego set in 4 hours. That's impressive. I learned a new appreciation for football, and even got brave enough to join in yelling at the TV once, but I yelled the wrong thing and I don't know if they remember but I will never forget.

I also learned that my dad is my hero.  Literally, I can't really count how many times my father has driven 10 hours to save me from a broken car. My car loved breaking, just around the time of finals! In the fall semester, my doors broke and wouldn't close. My battery died, and I couldn't get anywhere, having finals the next heckin day. My dad drove all night so he could fix my car and get me to finals on time.
On my birthday, I got in a fender bender, and my dad brought me new parts for my car and helped me fix it. We also had the best day, ever, just messing around in Spokane, and also bowling for the first time in forever!!! Seriously, my dad has rescued me more times than I can count, even
fixing my car when I came home and it practically fell apart! 


I have also learned to value my mother a lot more. Not that she wasn't already my favorite before I moved, but holy cow. Right after Billy left, I would sit in my car and cry to her over the phone about life's issues and she would listen and love me. She always has rock solid advice, even when I don't take it. She has been on the other line every time I was scared. When I had medical questions, she drove up for my doctors appts. She sends me home with eggs and baked goods. She absolutely never fails to make me feel better, making me laugh when I'm scared or stressed, and I swear, her patients never runs out.  I can be a bit dramatic (I know, shocked, right? Me? Dramatic?) and no matter how much I freak out, she will be right there when I need her, or want to apologize. I've never appreciated singing and dancing in the kitchen so much. Seriously, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Honestly, I have just developed this whole new appreciation for home. I'm not gonna lie. I wanted OUT of Wallowa County. No thank you. I am done with small towns. Yet, I find myself missing the mountains. I miss dirt and real grass. I miss the smell of cow poop and dirt roads. I miss swamps and rolling fields. I miss the smell of fresh cut hay drifting through my window on a summer night. I miss looking up at the stars with my little brother, I miss changing pipe, even at 6 in the morning (that's sleeping-in compared to my life now) I miss mud on my face and jeans. I miss hearing animals make their animal noises. I  miss my small town. I miss it so heckin much. I never thought I would. I thought I was cut out for the city, I belonged in small sky rises. Turns out, I belong on the top of a mountain. Or in the freezing cold lake. I am shocked every day at the skill set that being a farm girl gave me. Not gonna lie, I felt like a total boss when the girls were squealing cause the lake water was cold and I was laughing cause it was so warm. 

The country made me so strong. Mentally, physically, I am a lot more prepared and capable than a lot of my co-workers just because of the environment I was raised in, and continue to be supported in. I have learned, more than anything, that I am totally not alone in this endeavor. A year ago, as I waved goodbye to my parents as they drove away, I figured I was alone. Completely alone. But this community built itself around me. Amazing people from church, from work, even my boyfriends family, whom I am truly and honestly just so blessed to have. 

I haven't really taken time to look back and reflect on how much I have grown in this year, but its crazy. I planned my very first trip across the country alone, paid for it, and rocked it. I have set up my own doctors appts and figured out my own insurance payments. My days start
at 3 AM and end at 7 PM and I can get in my 8 hours at work before noon, spending the rest of my time working on things like mowing the lawn.  I am a Sunday school teacher, and we are currently re-designing our entire program and classrooms. I volunteer on Tuesdays and I'm over here with my very own little life and... wow! Gosh I have not even looked back to see what all I have done but dang!! I'm doing it. I mean, I'm not 100% efficient, but I have a budget and I know how much a month I can spend on gas and food and other things, earning my own money. 

 I just applied for a passport because I am going on a mission to
Chile...
 Georgia a year ago never would have seen any of this coming. I was supposed to be working at Dutch Bros by my second week here, and six months later I was still jobless until a lunch date with a good friend went in a completely different direction than anticipated. 

Its been a really hard year, don't get me wrong. I learned fast, the hard
 way, but I never learned alone, and I honestly think that is the most important lesson. 

So to all the kids who are starting their last year of high school, starting their first year of college. Be open. Things will change. Its scary. Money is freaking hard to make and jobs are really hard to get. Don't be scared of hard work, always apply yourself, know your boundaries, and enjoy this crazy and terrifying first step. Sometimes, life will take you away from college. Don't be ashamed of starting in a community college, and trade schools are always a smart way to go. Your major will change. You will sometimes feel like there is seriously no point in any of this, but most of all. Take a second and look around. You have an entire team of people that you are building, daily. You are not alone. You never have been and you never will be. Do not be afraid. Be bold, stand up for whats right, and never. not ever, drive too close to someone else because you WILL get in a fender bender. Three second rule, people!!! Its a life saver (and a money saver)

CHILE

Before I start this, I want to give you all a bit of a back story, and share my testimony.

I've never done drugs, never had sex, I was never in a gang and I have never killed somebody. In fact, I have a feeling that most people can look at me and assume I grew up in the church and chose on day, to get baptized. However, I don't really think that's true for anyone.

I was born a passionate kid. Since I can remember, I have felt intense emotion inside of me, that gets so intense sometimes that it hurts. First, I wrote songs. I would stand on my front porch and sing as loud as I could, with lyrics that I assumed were inspiring at the time. My mother raised me around Jesus. I grew up with a big picture bible. Like, I knew who Jesus was, but I never really grasped WHO He is. I just always felt compelled to use my music to help other kids.


Flash forward 10 years, and I am 15. I am 15 years old and I am in a bad situation. I'm failing most my classes, I'm in a really toxic relationship with a boy I thought I loved, and I am in an honestly abusive, both physically and mentally, relationship with someone I thought was my best friend. Basically, I was low. I had no idea what loved was. I felt unloved. I felt alone, yet no matter how alone I got, I couldn't get the voices out of my head. My insecurities were crushing. My situation felt hopeless, and I could not sit down and rest anywhere. I could not let my guard down. Most nights, I could not even sleep, and darkness just found a home in my heart.

Church.

My mom loaded all four of us up in the truck one Sunday morning. I can remember thinking at the time "honestly, how dare she. I want a day off." I honestly have no idea what Pastor Dave preached on. I do remember seeing some mean girls from school there though, and I was just angry. What the heck mom. You bring me to church and there are bullys sitting in the pew behind us.

This one girl, in particular, I can actually remember her screaming at me that I needed Jesus when we were in the second grace, after she pushed me out of my swing and I told her that she was stupid.

okayyy anyways. A little while later, for my birthday, my mom took me to a concert with a youth group and I sat in the bus window that said "chosen one" and I am pretty sure I have talked about this before on my blog. That night changed my life. It was the start of something bigger than I could have ever imagined.

Over the next couple of years, from the time I was 15 to when I was just about 17, It was a rocky roller coaster. I had two abusive relationships I needed to get out of, neither of which were easy, both of which I came back to a few times, in desperation to find what was missing, what was wrong with me, what I had done wrong. I had to get my grades back on track, I lost sports, one of the few things that kept me motivated, and I had to learn to trust people to help me get my life back on track. The whole entire time, all I wanted to do was give back. I was so thankful that I had been helped up from the gravel I was sleeping in. Hundreds of passions inspired me. I wanted to be a layer, I wanted to be a missionary, I wanted to liberate kids from human trafficking. I wanted to bring down sex rings, become the first lady of the united states, and help heal the pain that others were dealing with. Every disaster relief opportunity that came up, my heart burned with longing and desire.


So here we are. I am 19, and I want to go to Chile. I have prayed about it. I prayed about it before I even knew it was an option. I have been asking God for direction and true purpose. I've been asking for an opportunity to share with others, what I have. I have been begging Him to use me. Last week, my mother called and told me that Pastor Dave was putting together a team to go to Chile, and she wondered if I would want to go.

The second we hung up, I turned my music up really really loud and danced around my house yelling "HOOYAH OH YEAH HECK YES" for like a solid 30 minutes. Which is a very long time.

My trip will be around $2000, plus a passport (which I am applying for on Monday, hopefully) it will be a working mission, it will be around 10 days. I will be actually helping build things and talking to people and sharing in this community of people that my church helped build a church for. It will not be a easy, tourist trip. It will not be a "share the gospel and sing camp songs" mission. It will be hiking. More than that, it will be connecting with people that i have never met, creating relationships with a country I have never been to.

Mostly, I'm just excited to share. I don't care what I do, I don't care how much walking, hiking, how many bug bits. I can't even describe it, but my heart is burning. I am on fire and this is what I want. Its my passion, its my calling. This mission is going to change my life. I hope so bad that I can change someone elses life. I want to change the world. God puts teams of people together, perfectly placed for their time and their turn and they serve their purpose and I finally feel like its my time. 

I am a passionate kid. I have always been a passionate kid. I have always felt called to missions. Its time for me to answer my calling.

I will be blogging more and more about whats going on, things I plan on doing, and my preparations for this mission trip. I know this blog was long and kind of ended abruptly, but I just wanted to give you the more emotional side of the story before I start talking about the logistics. I am asking for your prayers and support as I embark on this adventure. THANK YOU!!

Every Answer to Life's Big Problem

Have I the courage to change the day

Am I going to let what you said to me this morning, hurt me all day?  Am I going to let what little joke you made at work, throw me off? Am I going to sit back and let the neglect, the abuse, the pain, the hurt. Am I gong to let that ruin my whole day? The day. The century. The era. Do I have the courage? Even if its just quiet courage, inside of myself.

I wake up in a bad mood. I start my day with preconceived notions of how the next 24 hours will play out, and 100% of the time I am right because my attitude and perspective are how I view my day, regardless of how the others around me lived their days. Its so easy to give up and give in the the mean voice in my head, telling me to snap at someone who's showing kindness. Its so easy for me to allow my mental negativity to rule my day. Its so hard to maintain a positive outlook, when the opportunity to give in to  a negative one is so readily available.

So I ask myself again. Have I, the courage to change the day.

Am I sitting back, waiting for the world to change, or am I changing the world? If so, how am I changing the world. What am I doing that is so great that it has an impact on the world?

If you are reading this, I can almost bet you've heard the phrase "you can eat an elephant one bite at a time" and that is correct. It just might take you a really heckin long time. So bring some buddies! Enjoy the feast together and laugh a little. Jeez. Bring lots of buddies. Metaphorical elephants are typically pretty big.

So how am I changing the world. Well I am not going to just outright tell you that I am changing the world, but I am going to tell you that I am doing it one bite at a time, with a ton of buddies.

Now, if you are anything like me, you're probably really confused right now. How did we go from waking up in a bad mood to eating metaphorical elephants with friends, and changing the world? Like. How is that even related.

My friend, Riley, whom I wish I had been better friends with in high school, is going to Brazil in a MONTH to share the word of God with people. She is an insanely caring person. She is sweet and kind and gentle. Honestly, the only really good adjective I can think of to describe her is "beautiful". She is radiant! She also has insane talent with a camera. I follow her on Facebook and Instagram and she takes pictures that tell thousands of stories. In fact, she did a series called "Scars to your Beautiful" and it was about embracing our scars. I look at it and it just catches my breath and makes me want to cry a little, to be honest. You've gotta check out her work to see what I mean. I cant wait to see how she uses that gift to share God's word with us back home, even as she is sharing it with Brazil.

I worked with a girl named Louie, up until a couple weeks ago, where she went full time helping out at a childrens' theater. Louie was a light in my 3 AM shifts. It inspired me, the way she connected with all of our customers, She was shameless and unafraid to say "God bless" as they drove away, and not a single one was ever offended because Louie carried that light in such a beautiful way, that you couldn't be upset, or feel like it was being pushed down your throat. She was so kind and gracious, listening to customers talk, knowing all our regulars drinks, and having thought provoking questions. She even had a new joke every day for this kid that comes through every day and gets a hot chocolate on his way to school. On her last day of work, she told him to try new flavors in his hot cocoa, and every morning since he has tried a new flavor and told me what he thinks about it, as well as brainstorming different options. On her last day, she told me I was a light, and that I should never stop shining, and that has kept a little glow in my heart ever since.

I know that I am making an impact as well. Although I have no idea how many people actually read my blog, I know that they are seen, and sometimes the things I say inspire, or stick. Maybe I only impact one person.

Here is the thing though. I am part of the ripple effect, and I make my own ripple effect. Riley and Louie have both been on my mind a lot recently, so they are the only two examples I used, but people impact me every day, and I use what they gave me, to impact someone else. One day at a time, one person at a time.

BUT HERE IS THE THING. I THINK THAT IS SO COOL. Cause, guys. I am making an impact as Georgetta Nichole, but I'm also making an impact because of impacts other people have left!! Thats why you gotta bring buddies to this party. Y'all impact each other and all of a sudden you've got this whole spider web of people impacting others, and eventually its a net that covers the world.

Have I the COURAGE to change the day? Not just this 24 hours, but this DAY. You know how our parents say "well, back in my day" Its not just 24 hours they are talking about. Yes, it starts with 24 hours, it starts with 24 seconds, but its a ripple that changes the planet. So do you have the courage to change the day? Are you going to sit around and wait for the world to change? Or are you going to step up and participate, bring your gift and your talent to the table, and make an impact?

You might not have your name in bright lights, or a magazine, and maybe you woke up in a really bad mood with a headache and spoiled milk in your fridge, and butter exploded all over the inside of your microwave, and you gotta get to work so you don't have time to deal with the wet laundry that has been in the washer for three days in a row, but today can be what you make it. You just have to have the courage to say "Good morning, today is my day" and then live it. Have the courage to say "no" to the easy path. Changing the world is not hard. You just have to make a small impact.

SO I ASK YOU.  Do you have the courage to change the day?

Also yes the title is clickbait. Thank you for reading. Give this blog a thumbs up and drop a comment if you want to hear more! Or maybe you think I am crazy and you just wanna tell me that. Thats cool. I just wanna know you read my blog!

Why I Haven't Been Posting

Hello!!! I miss you guys :( lets have a little chat.

The past four months, has been insane. In February, I got a job, and flew to Chicago in the same week, that's kinda when the insanity started. I work for Wake Up Call Coffee, and William has graduated from Navy boot camp. The rest of February was a blur of school and work.

Suddenly, it was March. March is finals month, March is my birthday month. In March, during finals week, which was also my birthday, I got in a little fender bender and wound up needing a new hood and fender on my car. I passed my final, though!!! With flying colors! I wrote my thesis on human trafficking and how I think we can stop it. I actually got a letter from the school to congratulate me on my GPA. I also had some doctors appointments to see if we could figure out what was going on with my stomach. We waited almost four weeks for results, and found out that they found nothing.

Because I hadn't had a solid job until February, I couldn't afford to go back to school after spring break, which brings us to April. There had been chatter about me moving into a new house in the valley, and we had the first of June as a rough date for that to happen, however middle of April, I would up having a meeting, and moving my whole house in like 24 hours. It was crazy. Two days later I went home for another doctors appointment. That was the week of Easter, I wound up having to stay an extra day for another doctors appointment, and we still came up blank. I had also planned an entire trip to Florida, middle of April. I had the help of Lisa, but yeah. I found a house that was close enough to the base that Billy wouldn't have issues, I picked days and got flights. I felt very grown up lol.

MAY. Holy cow hello May. William is now in Pensacola, FL for school. He just graduated from NACCS (Naval Air Crew Candidate School) with flying colors. I went to Florida a few days ago. I guess its officially a week ago that I got back. That trip was such a confidence boost. I was so nervous. I didn't know how I was going to figure out Taxis and terminals and a military base. Yet, I did!! Again, I had some help form Lisa. She helped me figure out my boarding passes and instructed me on how to get a taxi and all that. Yet, when the day came, I was so nervous I could hardly walk my legs were shaking so bad. I did it though. I spent a week in a different state, across the country from anyone who could help me if something went wrong. I figured out a guest pass for base, I checked my man out for the weekend. I figured it out!

Its been a crazy year for me. I've been working at 3:30 AM pretty much every morning since March.

I guess I do have a lesson. I have looked at every month in my planner, and written in the times I had to go to work, and all the things I had to get done each day, and I've felt defeated. I've felt small and incapable. How on earth am I going to be able to get all of this stuff done? How am I going to be able to accomplish anything?  Yet, every day, I wake up and I get it done. I look back now, and I just can't believe that I've done it. Like, guys. I did it. I have a job, I have a really great, ideal honestly, living situation. I've got obstacles. lots of obstacles I still have to over come, but I feel less afraid. God just has this really uncanny way of shaping me into this capable person. Giving me tools that I need to accomplish the tasks at hand.

I'm not going to lie, I have felt like my life is pointless recently. I wake up and I do the same things every day and I don't feel like I'm growing, but the closer I look, the more growth I see. Honestly, just writing this blog has helped me see a lot of growth. I have accomplished so much. If you're in a rut, and you feel like you're not doing anything meaningful, maybe just take a closer look. God has a plan for you, and maybe right now hes just getting you ready for a bigger job. Or maybe your doing that job, but instead of doing it all at once, Hes taking you though it day by day.

Guys, this is crazy. What a time to be alive! Not just for me, but for all of us. We are all doing something, moving towards bigger things. Learning and growing and making it through days we feel like we will never get through. Things in our communities need voices, things in our worlds need voices. There are topics being discussed and growth to be had and it feels like everything around us is moving so fast. Maybe take a moment to just reflect. Listen to yourself for a second. We all play an irreplaceable role on earth. That's why God chose each of us individually.

I hope to be back to blogging more frequently. Its like therapy for my soul, even if no one reads my blog.






Guys!! Let me hear your voices! If you read my blog, PLEASE drop a comment. Even if it doesn't pertain to my blog, I would just like to know who I am reaching! Thank you <3

PENSACOLA ADVENTURE

When I first thought about the blog I would write about my adventure, I thought it would
just be about my adventures in Pensacola, I now realize I can’t tell you about my
adventures in Pensacola, without telling you about the magic that transpired here.

Florida was going to be an Instagram worthy break from reality. Beach lounging,
trendy coffee shops, and the most touristy things I could find. It was nothing that I
ever expected, and everything I didn't know I needed.

It started with the best hug of my life. That smile, so relaxed. Just a casual “hey”.
Khaki shorts, dark blue under armor shirt. Sunglasses on, hat over his eyes. I was
nervous. I was shaking. How was he so calm? He held my hand and walked me across
base, all his buddies smiling at him. He is just so COOL. The base is beautiful. Stones,
bricks, palm trees. We went on a hike through all the trails he runs. First through
beaches, then what felt like miles of exposed pavement, then jungle. We walked across
paths that ran by the ocean, sitting on the ocean wall, feeling the salt water splash
our arms. The humidity making my bangs stick to my forehead. The breeze making my
skin prickle. My face hurt from smiling and laughing all day.

The next day he took me to a little street market in the historical district of Pensacola.
It was beautiful. The skies were a glowing blue. I heard that the sky was blue because
of the ocean, and if that's really the case, it makes sense. He held my hand as we
walked through blocks of local vendors. Street music filled the air, along with the smell
of fresh baked goods, popcorn, and sea salt. We had brunch at a cute little restaurant
downtown. I had eggs and bacon, he had a burger.

That afternoon, we went to Avengers End Game (it was his first time watching, my
second). I mean, I guess that isn't really important, bit I had fun. We sat in the movie
theater and I cried really hard while he kept trying to calm me down and I'd tell him to
pay attention to the movie. I know everyone thought we were crazy, but I didn't care.

We walked through blocks of beautiful architecture. Street vendors had booths full of
art, jewelry, honey, and produce, all local. Pensacola is beautiful. New buildings keep
the integrity of the old town, painted pelicans are on all the street corners, representing
everything that Pensacola is. The town itself is a work of art. Like it's directly out of a
movie. The houses are all charming, the parks are full of beautiful trees that create
shade, and there are water fountains in the center of each.  

The storms were beautiful. Thunder echoed all day. Rain fell on the streets, and when
it fell hard, it ripped through the canopies of trees. Art covered every available space.
I guess Saturday night was prom night in Pensacola, because girls in lavish and
beautiful gowns posed in front of the bay front, fancy restaurants were full of teens
dressed to the 9's ,and the town was crawling with nice cars. He took me to a
restaurant called the Tin Cow. It's like subway, but for burgers. It was SO good.

I don't even know how to explain the magic in the air. It was electric. Maybe I was just
high off of being with my best friend, maybe the sky is actually neon. Maybe the sand
is actually fairy dust.

Sunday was the worst day.

Sunday was the best day.

It stormed so hard on Saturday night that the power was down the next morning. The
stop lights were out, it was like a tropical, low risk adventure. At the time, it seemed so
exciting. William had promised to take me on a breakfast date, so we spent like two
hours googling restaurants that would be open at 7AM on a Sunday, with gluten free
food. Shockingly, Denny's has gluten free food! Just not pancakes :( The Denny’s we
wanted to have breakfast at was closed, due to the power outage. We had to drive clear
across town to get to one that was open. I thought it was fun. After breakfast, we took a
taxi back to the aviation museum, so William could have more time to adventure
and look around. It's amazing!!! We went on a flight simulator (Billy was the pilot, I
wouldn't even try haha). He walked around talking about all the planes, naming each
one and telling me what they used it for. I love watching his face light up like that. He
was so excited. His eyes twinkled. I loved it.

Mind you, this all happens before noon.

We spent the afternoon. The whole afternoon, on the Quiet Water Boardwalk. We
walked around looking at shops, Billy took me to a hilarious and delightful restaurant,
where we ate outside during a rainstorm. A cover band was playing at the bar behind
us, and we were overlooking the ocean. People looked at us like we were crazy while
we sat holding hands and laughing and crying. Our time was running out and we were
doing our best to ignore it, but it still loomed over us.

I never officially went to the beach. I was in Pensacola, Florida and I have not seen the
Pensacola beach. But the few hours I got to play in the water at Quiet Water, were
perfect. The sun came out for us, just for a couple hours. I want to tell you guys all
about it, I can see it playing out in my head so clear, but I don't know how to convey
the magic, or tell you how the water felt on my skin. It was the happiest I've been in a
long time. I felt like I was home. Like, everything around me was familiar and I was with
my best friend and the moment wouldn't end, and I was home.

Pensacola is magic. The humidity, the color of the sky, the way the world transforms
from a small beach town to bright lights in the city as the sun goes down. The way you
can hardly open your own door because there are military boys EVERYWHERE and
they ALWAYS open the door for you. For that reason, the brotherhood of military guys,
the whole place kinda felt like family. Everywhere we went, even though William had a
hat on, the haircut was obvious and alllll the military guys would ask him his rank and
they would talk about military stuff that was WAY over my head. I loved it. I loved
the way he would smile at me when he told them I was his girl. I loved the way he
walked past all the regular taxis and always got the nicest one for us. He promised me
that he would make me feel like a queen all weekend, and he kept that promise.

Nothing was harder than kissing him goodbye before we turned the last corner to his
barracks, and I walked on to that quarter deck and said goodbye.  The long walk back
to the Taxi Que in the dark, waking up the next morning knowing I would be going on
my adventure alone that day, but it was worth it. It was so completely worth it and
I would do it over and over again. I hope that I get the
opportunity to.

Here are some pictures from our trip <3 Enjoy!

Good Morning, I Love You

I have wanted to write this blog for a very long time. I wanted to write it when William went to basic, then I wanted to write it for our one year, then when I got back from Chicago. Heck, I wanted to write it last year when I found out he made it through MEPS. I just never knew what to say. Today it hit me. I just hope I say it right.

A wise friend of mine told me to not write it, unless it was something I had learned from. So instead of telling you all about the adventures we went on, and how amazing and kind he is, I'm just going to tell you what I've learned.

I have learned that it is ok to fight, but fight with love in your heart and the intention to heal, not break. I learned that feeling irrelevant, is invalid. You matter. Your thoughts, emotions, and opinions. They matter. I've learned that if they can't handle your crazy, they probably just can't handle you. I've learned that although forehead kisses can't cure a headache, they can make your heart feel better, which helps. I've learned that the words "you're beautiful" never get old. I've learned that being sleep deprived with your best friend, watching movies at 1 AM is more fun than normal movie watching.

I have learned that a family that shares no blood with you, can take you in and love you like you're their own. I've learned that hanging out with a 9 year old is the best way to spend a Saturday, or winter break. I learned that long hand letters are worth the hand cramps. That honesty is key, and good communication means more than speaking clearly about what a good day you had. I've learned that asking for help is good when you need it, and dose not mean you are weak. I learned that vulnerability is a strength, and its ok to cry when your heart hurts.

I learned that Sunday afternoons are best spent, curled up on the couch, watching football, even if there is a lot of yelling involved. I've learned that singing in the car might be fun when you're alone, but is so much better when someone sings off key beside you. I learned that although ice cream for desert every night sounds like an amazing idea, its really not. That going to the gym for 45 min every day can't reverse the side effects, and having an accountability partner that likes pasta more than you is not a good way to stay on track.

I have learned that simple gifts, like a kiss, or a squeeze of the hand, or hearing the right person say your name, lasts a lot longer than a chocolate bar, however both are hugely appreciated. I've learned that being the reason that someone smiles is worth the loss of sleep. That "cooking lunch together" really means that I make pasta while he watches. I have learned that holding his hand while he drives the truck is so underrated, and can inspire butterflies, even after a year. I have learned that road trips alone are fun, but its way better to road trip with someone who buys you snacks and is a good D.J.

I have learned that having a sense of wonder makes every day an adventure. That taking time to appreciate someone feels so good, and that watching a guy in a military uniform (even if its a costume) play with little kids, can seriously melt a heart. I learned that its way better to be goofy and laugh with the people you love, than it is to do anything else, and no matter how many times you're rejected, always ask if you can help.

I have learned that a "good morning, I love you" text is the best thing to wake up to. That distance really dose make the heart grow fonder but knowing that doesn't make being across the country from each other any easier. I have learned that building a community and letting people support me is important for all aspects of my life. I have learned that missing a phone call hurts, and Skype dates are kinda fun. I have learned that any moment you get together, should be cherished. You never know how much time you have till its gone.

I have learned that hanging up the phone when a conversation gets rough, is not a solution, nor will it make anything better. Ignoring phone calls wont make your problems go away, and running away dose not heal the hurt in your heart. I have learned that shutting down and saying everything is fine, when its not, is a bad idea. I have learned that people can surprise you, and that not all surprises are bad. I have learned that people can change. That not all change is bad. I've learned to allow people to celebrate me, and begging them not to is pointless. I have learned that I deserve to be loved and celebrated, even if I am not quite sure why yet.

I have learned that courage can take you farther than a tank of gas can, that the words "I love you" are a promise, that nothing can solve a problem like a hug, and that ocean blue eyes are easy to get lost in. I have learned that nothing is better than having a best friend by your side. That its wonderful to know you can always support them, and they can support you, even from different states. I have learned that being scared to share something beautiful is a pointless fear. If its truly strong, it can take the bullies.

I have learned, I have loved. I've lived. I am blessed, and I know that. I'm proud of my sailor, grateful for his family, and blessed to be a part of their lives. I wish this could even brush the surface, but words fail me.

 I hope that every single one of you gets a "good morning, I love you" text. You deserve it. Life itself is a learning opportunity, you just have to have your eyes open. Are you ready to wake up?

Advice? sorta.

There is something magical about waking up early, and driving into town while the sun is still warming up. Sunsets are beautiful, but there is something about morning light that just catches my breath and boosts my mood every single time. 

Its like, no matter how bad, or stressful. No matter how much I cried that morning, that sunshine somehow hits a reset button and can almost always make my day 100% better. 

I live on a river, kinda. Like. I'm not on the river, but I'm right by it. When I drive to school in the mornings, I get to drive by the fog hanging low over the water, sunlight illuminating it. Its like the background of a gospel song on Sunday morning, and with the right playlist. Wow. Honestly I'm grinning just thinking about how good it feels to drive those twists and turns, singing along to my music with my shades on as the world glides by. Its like actual sunshine in my heart. I don't know how else to describe it. 

I used to drive to school with fog hanging low on the mountains, the sunshine making the snow glow. My mom used to say that towns and cities needed sleep so they could be fresh in the morning. Thats why Wallowa County is so beautiful. Cause the town sleeps. There are not many (if any) places open all night. Traffic doesn't clog the streets, ever, but especially after 9 PMish. 

Nine Mile sleeps, too. The streets are quiet around the same time, but Nine mile is also smaller than Wallowa county. That's easy to do when you live 15 min from Spokane though.

Sleep is so beautiful and restoring. Maybe that's why babies are so beautiful. They get sleep. They don't know what anxiety or fear is. They don't get so excited that they can't sleep. 

And that leads us to today's topic. 

68 hours, 30 seconds till I get on a place to Chicago. I am so excited that I seriously can't sleep. I have had this problem since I was little. I used to just get really excited for no reason, and I'd wake up in the middle of the night so excited that I just couldn't fall back asleep. I'm jittery and I can't think and my words are jumbled, because my body is moving like, five days ahead of me. I am seriously being dragged behind myself. So I am tired at all the wrong times and I am awake at 2 AM when I am supposed to be sleeping. 

But Chicago has not been the only thing on my mind these past two weeks. I have been studying like crazy. Memorizing things forward and backwards, waking up in the middle of the night to recite what I have been memorizing because I say it so much and I have been thinking about it so much, determined to get it down so good that even if I am nervous, I can still recite it. 

And that worked payed off because I am now a barista at Wake Up Call coffee in Spokane, WA. Thats right. Your church coffee girl is doing what she loves, to make a living. Right out of high school, only six months after moving here!!!! 

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL. No, because it would be too easy if all I had to do was plan for a trip to go see my love and get a job. Oh no. I also have two essays that I had to write. Not easy essays, either! They are supposed to be about how our chosen profession dose their research. 

Its really easy to find statistics on Human Trafficking, but finding out how they get those statistics? Thats rough. So naturally, I did what every kid would do, and I took a chance. I messaged and emailed a whole bunch of non profits that deal with getting statistics, rescues, and recovery for people in Human Trafficking situations. 

Then I got replies. Which, maybe you figured would happen, but I just assumed they would get my message and ignore it. I took that chance though, and it payed off. I learned a lot about Human trafficking that I never knew. 

I feel so good. I currently have A's in school. I have scored my dream job, I am going to go to Chicago, which is amazing in itself, but I also get to see William graduate from Navy Basic. I'm just excited to see him!!! I can't wait to see his smile and get a hug and just be close to him. I can't wait. I am so excited. 

This blog is so random. I don't know how we went from sleeping cities to not being able to sleep to being excited. I have no idea. Anyways. Moral is. Get some sleep!! Live life excited, and take a chance because you will learn, you might get some pretty dope results, and who knows. You could end up on a plane to a new place to see your favorite person. Which, btw. The day Lisa and I leave for Chicago is the day I can have social media again and I will be blowing up facebook and instagram and snapchat with photos. Probably. IDK I might forget haha but I'll try. 

InterNOT

251 HOURS, 28 MINUTES, AND 20 SECONDS TILL I GET ON A PLANE TO CHICAGO
 That's 10 days, 11 hours, 28 minutes, and 20 seconds.

Okay now that the most important part of this blog is over, lets talk about my "no social media cleanse"

I have actually noticed a huge difference. It is week three.

Before I started this journey, my phone was glued to me. I felt obligated to instantly text everyone back, and it never rang without me knowing. Which I think was part of the stress, I was constantly there for anyone who wanted to talk. I even had some people on a special list so they could call me after I went to bed and the call would still come through so I could talk to them if they needed. My phone charged by my bed, I was restless, and my days seemed to fly by without my knowing. I also got really bad headaches, which I found out from a little more research, comes from looking at a computer screen for long amounts of time!

I actually kind of have to still stare at a screen for long amounts of time due to homework, but I looked on Amazon and found a pair of *computer glasses* for cheep, and tried them out, and that has seriously helped!

Anyways, I was glued to my phone. The prospect of losing it made me panic, I felt the need to have cute Instagram photos at least once a week, I had to remember to snap like, 10 people every single day (people I don't even talk to) to keep my streaks going, which was a complete anxiety in its own, and the posts I saw on Facebook would sometimes leave me crying. 

There were, or course, benefits to social media though. I never knew how much I relied on it to communicate with people. I had to actually get some peoples phone numbers. Instead of just grabbing a classmates snap or Insta, I had to get their phone number (which doesn't have quick add) and it was awkward asking people for their phone numbers, because for some reason, in my age group, that's like taking your relationship to the next level. WHICH IS SO INSANE TO ME. I can't believe how people connect now a days! There are dating apps, and you can add mutual friends over Snapchat, and hundreds of people you've never met before follow your Instagram!

But yeah, even my little brother and I stopped having such good communication after I left social media.

Since putting the phone down, I have had the opportunity to work on my physical health more. Instead of scrolling through Instagram and Facebook and then Instagram again before bed, I stretch. I remind myself to drink some water. If I really feel like it, I do a little workout routine, and then I crawl into bed, my phone plugged in on the other side of the room.

When I go to relax, I can close my eyes and let my mind and body rest instead of looking for something interesting to happen on the internet. My news source has been more than Instagram or Facebook, or even Youtube.

I even changed my music taste. I don't know if that is related or not, but I am listening to a LOT of country music. I used to listen to rap and pop and R&B but now I just listen to a lot of country, or music with really deep meaning, like Mat Kearney, Phillip Phillips, and Snow Patrol, just to list a few. Its a lot more stimulating and comfortable I guess. My heart isn't constantly racing, but if I want to have a cleaning party or something (which I do a lot) I can turn it up and still feel the way it felt to go flying down the road with Jacob in a summer day, headed to the lake. Or even just singing in the truck with William, or milkshakes with my dad.

I'm reading my bible more, AND I EVEN FORGET MY PHONE. Yes, you read that correctly. I leave it places and then I forget where I put it and its an hour later and I'm like "oh yeah I'm superposed to text this person back about dinner tonight"
I don't feel completely obligated to responding to texts the second they come through. Heck, even my workouts are better because I am not constantly checking to see if anyone snapped me back. My homework is easier to finish because I am not distracted, and I have found myself more stimulated by my own thoughts or the world around me. I have been way more inspired, thinking of things every day.

Its like the great awakening is happening in my brain. Maybe my phone had it in sleep mode.